I’ve had a few patients who haven’t been getting better fast and it doesn’t feel good. I’ve felt like a failure and I thought it useful to share my reflections.
We/I tend to have lopsided priorities to the exclusion of other things in life, such that my dogged pursuit of reaching perfection puts me at risk of burning out or feeling Like i’ve fallen short as a human being because I know that i can lean way too hard on achieving that elusive goal of perfection.
I’m quite aware now that as i say this, many people feel the same.
We all struggle intensely with things we don’t like about ourselves and we act in ways that maintain those very concerns - for example the constant checking that other people respect us intensifies unhappiness because we hyperfocus on things that might prove people don’t respect or like us. Or we avoid situations that make us uncomfortable so we don’t have to be exposed to things that dredge up our fears, leaving them unchallenged.
Feeling we are terrible, doesn’t actually mean we are terrible.
We must face ourselves and evaluate our feelings realistically/ logically and their associated fears and challenge them head on.
It takes chutzpah and I take my hat off to all of my patients who come and see me every week to face themselves. ANd so now, i will take a leaf from your book and move forward, facing myself!
Let’s keep grinding! Little by little.