How do I deal with my imposter syndrome again (part 2)?
Mar 26, 2022
I talked about this in episode 001 of the Huddle Wisdom podcast and expand on some key ideas here.
- Perfection is the enemy of the good. There is no such thing as perfection thus we will always fall short. It's like grasping at clouds. Rather, we are better off focusing on our personal growth - that is being further along the road than where we were yesterday is a solid achievement. And when we have done well, we need to learn how to give ourselves a pat on the back. 'The Tall Poppy Syndrome' is ever real in our culture, and it is toxic.
- Comparing ourselves to someone else's progress is fallacious. Yes, seeing how well our counterparts are doing may fill us with envy and motivate us to do better (whatever that means!), and it may even inspire us, invigorate us but it can also make use feel inadequate, understandably. It's fine to look, but don't touch it! But let's not make the mistake of using another person's achievements / goals or anything else that belongs to said person as a marker for your eventual success, because you'll never get there, at least in the way you might imagine.
- Set aside your ego. We are all different and we have to accept that others may well be more skilled, better looking, better smelling whatever...but again, comparison might hamstring you and stop you from moving forward. Focus on where you're walking, you'll get waylaid if your eyes are looking elsewhere. Focus on your own path, keep walking, be consistent, show up; YOU. WILL. GET. BETTER. It is inevitable. As long as you stick at things. We always tend to be more aware of the 'dips' and troughs rather than overall progress because our brains are designed to be alert to anything that threatens our integrity and survival - so; when we sense a 'dip' in our growth or progress, our limbic centres activate and siphons off energy from our frontal lobes which does our rational thinking. We can then think in stupid (yes I said. we become a bit stupid. and nothing is stupider than doubting you are good enough). So, recognise this now, learn to spot it - ride the lizard (limbic system), don't let it ride you!
- A group of like minded individuals to whom you stay accountable can be healthy. It's helpful to get their feedback and input on your journey to help you stay on the path; and to make any needed adjustments for example; any cognitive errors or unhelpful thoughts can be metabolised with the help of friends. Or if you you are a 'Nigel no mates'; I highly recommend keeping a journey journal in which you write down your goals and set sub-goals. Note your achievements and failures (yes failure. FAILURE IS THE MOTHER OF SUCCESS - embrace it. ASK FOR MORE FAILURE if you really want to succeed).
In any role in life; parent, teacher, doctor, person - we will all at times think we don't quite measure up. Or we may feel like we're fake, phonies, frauds. Other people may say we're amazing, but inside, we feel quite the opposite. Don't listen to them. Listen to me. Read and re-read the key ideas here; let them sink in. Practice what I preach. ANd stay consistent with whatever you're doing. You can do this.
Check out Episode 001...https://www.huddlewisdom.com/podcasts/the-huddle-wisdom-podcast
We can help prevent Imposter Syndrome in our kids by incorporating some key concepts into our parenting and teaching - are you using them? Empathy is the cornerstone. Check out the GroundRules for Empathic Discipline Course if you want to learn more.
Parenting can be tough. Especially in the digital age.
If you feel like your connection with your kids is eroding...and have no idea what you're doing to reconnect.
Download FREE Empathic Connection Kickstart