Episode 143: Never say 'Calm Down' to your child. Do this instead.
In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan helps parents understand what to do when their child is having a meltdown. He explains why our typical response, "calm down," is not only ineffective but can also make things worse.
Dr. Tan makes the powerful connection between a body overheating in a heatwave and a child's nervous system going into full activation. In this state, the rational part of their brain is offline, so telling them to "calm down" is like telling someone to "cool down" when they can't.
The goal isn't to make their feelings disappear; it's to help them feel safe and understood. Dr. Tan shares five powerful, research-backed phrases to use instead, turning a moment of chaos into a chance for connection and learning.
Five Phrases to Try:
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"Looks like that really got to you."
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"Take your time. I'm here."
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"This feels intense, huh?"
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"This is tough. Want to sit with me for a bit?"
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"We'll figure this out together."
Remember: They're not giving you a hard time; they're having a hard time. By responding with empathy, you can help build your child's resilience and strengthen your bond.
Find out more here!
