The Huddle Wisdom Blog

If you're anyone providing a service to other people or if you proclaim to do so; you ought to abide by a few ground rules. 

My golden rule is 'don't be a jerk'. Amazing how often this rule is violated because of hubris. Don't be that person. Don't be a jerk. 

How? How do you avoid jerkdom? Let me tell you a few things. 

First: remember you are not more important than anyone else. Your client/customer/patient/person has come to you for help. Or at least they think you can help. So, set your ego aside and put yourself in their shoes. Where are they in their journey? Remember they are the hero. Not you. You are the guide. 

Second: Believe them. Don't second guess them. Don't berate them. Don't scoff. Don't say "well in my experience, that can't happen" because you are probably wrong since your experience doesn't mean squat. Its their experience that is important, not yours. Don't be a jerk. If you think your experience trumps theirs. Then you're a jerk. 

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Many of us would have felt the irritation of being misunderstood or the pang of invalidation when we so badly want a friend or family member to hear us but they don’t or perhaps they don’t have the skills it takes to empathise accurately with us. Even worse, is when they give you unsolicited advice that is so off the mark that it makes you feel even worse.

Now, flip the situation and put your child in your shoes and imagine yourself as that friend or family member I’ve just described. Its easy to see why children stop talking to us and they give us the silent treatment, or they say “I don’t know”. You know the story!

What is the target here? What we want to do is understand what the other person is saying AND feeling. Why? because when we feel somehow has understood and heard us, we feel more settled, more secure, safe. Isn't that what we all need?

We cannot get on target if the information we are relying on is based on our assumptions,...

At a basic level empathy consists of 2 components; that is, an affective (feeling) and a cognitive (thinking) part. 

There's a common misconception that folks with so called ASD/Autistic Spectrum Disorder cannot empathise. That's not true. It's not that they can't, its that they struggle to reconcile their understanding of thoughts with feelings in other people and also in themselves. 

Life as you know is not black and white...well. Actually I take that back. Yes there is black and white but there's also all sorts of shades in between and not in between. Life is colourful. And people who have problems with social reading tend to also struggle to appreciate and perceive the shades of colour in between more primary/obvious ones. For example: anger, sadness, joy are relatively more easy to understand compared to shame, disgust, disappointment etc.

People with social reading problems also have problems with self-awareness; they almost...

Running and trying to reach your goals can be like grasping at clouds, and you end up feeling exhausted, frustrate and inept. Goal posts can move away from us, and that's not always under our control as circumstances change, like shifting sand underneath us. 

Having said that, it's not wrong to set goals. Just that it's more useful to set them in the context of what your intention is.

Goals are fleeting and subject to factors that aren't always under our control. Intention on the other hand IS under our control and we can choose how we direct our energy in the interest of our aims, which is driven by our intention. 

Intentions are aspirations but goals provide us with tangible benchmarks to help advance us forward in the interest of our aspirations. 

Intention also opens up a world of options that wouldn't be available if you single mindedly focused on just a concrete goal. It also reduces the risk of burn out and gives us flexibility to make any move we...

Kids are a gift. No doubt in my mind.

But. When they're struggling with stuff they can't figure out themselves. They express emotions that we adults feel inconvenienced by at times. 

Think about the person you trust most in your life. The person you feel most drawn to. Now, would you feel comfortable expressing your pain and frustration when you're struggling? Would you feel vulnerable with them? Why not? Do they make you feel safe? Whatever it is you've got, they can handle it - is that what you picture?

Let's be that person for our kids. They need us to help them deal with stuff. 

If kids could do well, they would do well. Let's give them a chance. Like our trusted person would give us a chance, unconditionally. 

I'd like to share 3 of my favourite concepts that helps me to help my kids figure out tricky problems and how to go about solving them.

I hope it blesses you and helps you and your kids do well together. 

In most cases, fussy eating is a part of growing up. It's an expression of independent thinking and a need for mastery and control over one's environment, body and choices. But, I don't hear parents celebrating! Fussy eating can be exasperating.

But let's take a step back and think a little bit about what we would be doing if we were presented with limited food options that didn't appeal to us. Have you ever travelled some place where the food wasn't really stuff you'd eat? How did the locals treat you? Did they force feed you? If they did, I'm sure you wouldn't visit right? (1 star review!!!) We might be curious about the strange new foods there but we'd prefer to try them at our own speed. 

Here are some tips to help you adjust your 'speed' and help your kids try the 'local' cuisine in your household. 

The first thing is to keep your cool around meal times to minimise stress for your child (I know you will be stressed enough for the both of you); otherwise, Kids will...

Have you ever tried to stand up in the middle of a seesaw? If you're a little un-coordinated like me, this can be a little challenging. But even if you do have olympic level balance, your body still has to make adjustments in order to find your equilibrium. With a bit of work, soon you're standing up in the middle of it, perfectly balanced...well maybe not perfect, but enough to enjoy the imaginary applause of folks watching your efforts.

How did you find that balance up there? Sure, you can say it's just skill. But it's the 'wobble' that fed information to your body and brain that then induced you to take action and make adjustments until you find your equilibrium. You see, the 'wobble'...the struggle, is a necessary experience. Stay committed...keep showing up...stay consistent. Without the 'wobble' you can't find your equilibrium. 

So if you're stuck in the middle of a wobble, don't lose hope...stay on the board...you'll eventually find your place. If you...