The Huddle Wisdom Blog

I don’t often read the news these days…and for good reason. There’s enough tragedy flashing up on my social media feeds already that I’m going to have to increase my antidepressant dosage. 

The media have referred to Salvador Ramos as a man. He only just turned 18 last Monday. He’s a child; not a man. But he has been described to have been the shooter behind the killing of 19 children and 2 of their teachers in Uvalde, a city of about 16000 people nestled between the Texan/Mexican border and San Antonio in the USA. 

If you were like me having come across that piece of news, I’m sure you would have felt sickened, shocked, outraged, saddened, confused, anxious and maybe frightened? 

We’ve seen this before. Remember Columbine? Sandy Hook? South Florida? Buffalo? South Texas, and many other tragic events involving kids killing kids. The news talk about the who/what/when/where/how but hardly the why. I suppose it’s easy...

Attempts to align staff with a power over and control approach to force commitment isn't likely to be ultimately rewarding, though perhaps in some instances this may produce some superficial gains initially; it is likely to be outweighed by unwanted effects going forward i.e. resistance and resentment in staff. You may discover that unhelpful patterns of inter-relating can then entrench themselves over time, and erode team functioning in the long run. How might you then evoke commitment that strengthens cohesion and motivation that drives teams towards the achievement of its' goals, while validating individual expression and maintaining the integrity of the team?

The onus for 'setting the scene' I believe, begins with the organisation, but responsibility for ensuring that the employer-employee relationship moves in a desirable direction is a corporate affair which requires effective relational skills, emotion modulation, and empathy. These skills help to promote those factors such...

If you're anyone providing a service to other people or if you proclaim to do so; you ought to abide by a few ground rules. 

My golden rule is 'don't be a jerk'. Amazing how often this rule is violated because of hubris. Don't be that person. Don't be a jerk. 

How? How do you avoid jerkdom? Let me tell you a few things. 

First: remember you are not more important than anyone else. Your client/customer/patient/person has come to you for help. Or at least they think you can help. So, set your ego aside and put yourself in their shoes. Where are they in their journey? Remember they are the hero. Not you. You are the guide. 

Second: Believe them. Don't second guess them. Don't berate them. Don't scoff. Don't say "well in my experience, that can't happen" because you are probably wrong since your experience doesn't mean squat. Its their experience that is important, not yours. Don't be a jerk. If you think your experience trumps theirs. Then you're a jerk. 

...

If you've ever found yourself fumbling for words because you want to be encouraging and helpful to friends or family in need, you're not alone! It's not like the movies where people always seem to know what to say (you don't have a script writer helping you!). 

Just remember though; you don't always need to use words to convey that you're there for your loved ones and sometimes words distort your message. How the message is packaged and delivered is the important thing. 

I encourage you to read the last blog post where we dig into the essentials of how you can help another person feel understood and heard : Accurate Empathy 

Words are only as powerful as the manner in which they are delivered. 

Many of us would have felt the irritation of being misunderstood or the pang of invalidation when we so badly want a friend or family member to hear us but they don’t or perhaps they don’t have the skills it takes to empathise accurately with us. Even worse, is when they give you unsolicited advice that is so off the mark that it makes you feel even worse.

Now, flip the situation and put your child in your shoes and imagine yourself as that friend or family member I’ve just described. Its easy to see why children stop talking to us and they give us the silent treatment, or they say “I don’t know”. You know the story!

What is the target here? What we want to do is understand what the other person is saying AND feeling. Why? because when we feel somehow has understood and heard us, we feel more settled, more secure, safe. Isn't that what we all need?

We cannot get on target if the information we are relying on is based on our assumptions,...

I just wanted to let you know that you can get a FREE mini-training course about how you can improve your ability to connect with kids while also learning how to handle some tricky but common scenarios like the silent treatment, how do you deal with a kid who says "I Don't Know" all the time, or who doesn't want to talk to you. 

Come and Check the course out now. I think it'll save you heaps of time, energy and headaches!