Beyond “Just Be Consistent”: Real-Life Strategies for Parenting Anxious Kids

You’ve probably heard the advice before.

“Stay calm.”
“Be consistent.”

It sounds so simple… until you’re in the middle of your child’s emotional storm.

These kinds of tips aren’t incorrect. Staying calm is important, but it's not always possible because our own stress systems get activated. The fight/flight/fawn thing...BUT consistency of approach does matter in the end, which I'll elaborate upon, below. 

Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson in the 2003 film "Anger Management" 

When things don't work out after we've tried to 'stay calm' or 'be consistent' whatever that means; it can leave us feeling deflated. Perhaps we feel we're not cut out for this.

Hark! perfection doesn’t exist in parenting. But connection does. And connection can survive the messy bits. But what does this mean Davin?

Ok. First understand these things.

• You’ll have moments when you don’t “stay calm”. It's not realistic to be calm all the time, but we have to consistently show our kids how we get to calm.

• You’ll lose it sometimes. Ok. Maybe a lot, but you consistently show your kids how you find your way back to calm.

• You can circle back, repair, and still be a great parent. Consistently getting back to calm.

In fact, research shows that kids benefit from “good enough” parenting. Seeing you get it wrong, own it, and make things right teaches them resilience and empathy.

Here are a few things to keep in mind to relieve the pressure with realistic action:

Aim for flexible consistency
Show up predictably but adapt to the moment. Consistency doesn’t mean robotic.

Use the storm scale
If your child’s emotions are at a 9 out of 10, it’s not the time to teach. Save explanations for when they’re calmer.

Make repair THE thing
When you handle something poorly, revisit it later. Say, “I wish I’d done that differently. I’m sorry.” That’s how you build trust. Not by getting it right every time.

You don’t need to be perfect to be effective

Parenting an anxious or neurodivergent child is demanding. Some days you’ll do well, some days you’ll just get through.

That's okay. 

This post is based on Episode 144 of The Huddle Wisdom Podcast: “Beyond ‘Just Be Consistent’: Real-Life Strategies for Anxious Kids.” In the episode, I also share a clip from the film Anger Management (2003) starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson, used for commentary and educational purposes.