Expert guidance and real-world reflections from a child psychiatrist whoâs also a parent.
Thereâs a quiet sort of panic I hear often from parents â especially those raising sensitive, intense, or anxious children.
Theyâve tried explaining. Comforting. Distracting. Solving.
And still â the meltdowns, the tension, the fear â they keep coming.
The parent begins to wonder: âWhy isnât this working? Am I doing something wrong?â
Hereâs what I often say gently in response:
Youâre not doing it wrong.
Youâre trying to fix something that doesnât need fixing.
Letâs be clear â anxiety can be distressing. For your child. For you.
But itâs not a broken part. Itâs not something to remove.
Itâs something to understand.
âAnxiety isnât a flaw to correct
Anxious behaviour is often the surface expression of an overloaded nervous system. Your child might not have the words for whatâs happening â so it spills out through avoidance, outbursts, shutdowns, or spirals.
When we respond by rushing to calm them down â even with the best intentions â the message that sometimes lands is:
This emot...
2024 was a year that tested me. The relentless bombings from my work life coupled with the ever-present demands of family, often left me feeling adrift in a sea of exhaustion. There were days when the weight of it all threatened to pull me under.
But parenting (or perhaps my children?), it seems, was a life vest that refuses to let go - it just took me a while to figure out that they were more of a life vest than a weight in 2024. Even when my own strength faltered, the needs of my children kept me afloat. And in the struggle to stay above water, I discovered a deeper understanding of resilience â not as a triumphant return to shore, but as a relentless navigation of the undercurrents.
Resilience wasn't about erasing the impact of the storm; it was about charting a new course through the choppy waters. It was about making deliberate choices, even when my inner compass spun wildly.
Intentionality as an Anchor
...Risk and uncertainty are two different beasts, yet our brains often lump them together. Our minds detest uncertainty.
Perhaps by learning to distinguish between the two, we can take up better control of our anxiety.
Understanding the real risks in any situation and accepting that uncertainty is a part of life is crucial. Step back, evaluate the risk, assign it a valueâlow or highâand manage it as best you can.
I think this approach helps us handle uncertainty in a more grounded way, keeping anxiety at bay instead of letting it overwhelm us...hopefully. I've worked with this a bit personally and in clinic...it does kinda help a bit.
Imagine the tightrope walker as a child dealing with anxietyâbalancing on that rope represents their struggle to manage their fears and uncertainties. The safety net below is like the support system we create for them, ensuring they donât fall too far if things get tough -sometimes we appraise risk incorrectly and believe we will fall and this will be ...
I know why kids are struggling more than ever with anxiety. Is it arrogance to say such things? Maybe... but hear me out.
Â
Punch line first.
Â
It's our modern worldâa mix of digital overload, academic pressure, and societal expectations. But there's good news.
Â
Elaboration now.
Â
I think I know the answer. [Insert Hubris Here].
Â
The Shifting Sands of Religion
Â
First, let's talk about the decline of traditional religion. Before you get excited, I'm not saying this is the reason why we're not doing well. This shift isn't inherently good or bad; in my view, the decline is simply a reflection of the times. A function of detachable attachment. What? Stick with me.
Â
With globalisation, scientific advancements, and a cultural move towards individualism, many young people are stepping away from organised religion. I think young people are less sticky these days.Â
Â
So, where are kids finding their sense of purpose these days? Let's break it down:
Â
1. Social and Environm...
Helping Hard-to-Engage Kids Talk About Anxiety (and Why the Right Question Might Surprise You)
Anxiety among children has nearly doubled in recent years. According to a recent meta-analysis, aroundâŻ20.5% of youth worldwideâŻnow experience anxiety symptoms. Thatâs roughly 1 in 5 kids.
Many of these children are hard to reachânot because they donât want help, but because they donât yet know how to talk about whatâs going on inside.
So how do we support kids who shut down, resist, or retreat into silence?
Let me share a story that illustrates whatâs possible when we lead with empathy and curiosityâeven if it means taking a bit of a risk.
Â
I was working with a 15-year-old who played video games for 7 hours a day and put in just 2 hours of schoolwork. He didnât want to be there. He said it plainly.
But instead of confronting him about school, I surprised him.
I asked:
đâŻâWhy arenât you playing more video games?â
Yes, you read that rig...
Today, after dropping off my children at school, I found myself reflecting on an incident. A young girl had fallen and grazed her knee. As she cried, seemingly more from embarrassment than pain, an adult comforted her, praising her bravery and encouraging her to continue. While the adultâs intentions were undoubtedly good, I pondered how the approach could have been slightly different.
 I firmly believe that as adults, our role is to prepare children for lifeâs journey, not to smooth their path. This concept is beautifully articulated in Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidtâs book âThe Coddling of the American Mindâ. However, itâs essential to recognise that everyone experiences pain. Itâs not about dwelling in discomfort or letting it hinder us, but rather acknowledging our childrenâs feelings when theyâre hurt, then offering reassurance and guidance for what lies ahead.
This brings me to the topic I wish to discuss today: decision-making in the...
Â
Anxiety in children often hides in plain sight. It doesnât always show up as obvious distressâinstead, it masks itself as quiet avoidance, perfectionism, tummy aches, or âbad behavior.â And while it may be hidden, its long-term effects can be profound.
Letâs take a closer look at what anxiety does to a childâs mind, body, and developmentâand why early understanding and support can change everything.
The numbers speak volumes. According to the CDC, around 9.4% of children aged 3â17 were diagnosed with anxiety between 2016 and 2019. More recent studies estimate that over 20% of youth worldwide now experience anxiety symptoms. Thatâs 1 in 5 kids.
This isnât just a trendâitâs a growing mental health crisis that deserves urgent, compassionate attention.
Unlike physical ailments, anxiety often goes unnoticed. Many children donât have the language to describe their inner world. Others fear being judged, misunders...
Growing up, I often heard stories about my parentsâ journey as immigrants. They faced countless hardships, from language barriers to financial struggles, yet they never gave up. Their unwavering determination and resilience were driven by a single goal: to provide a better future for their children. Even when the chips were down, they persevered, teaching me the invaluable lesson that resilience and perseverance can lead to success. Inspired by their journey, I strive to instill these same values in my own children. One delightful and effective method is through bedtime stories. Here are some wonderful books that can teach children about resilience while making bedtime a cherished ritual.
This charming picture book tells the story of a girl who sets out to create the most magnificent thing but faces numerous challenges along the way. It teaches children about perseverance and the importance of not giving up.
Find it on...
A confusing scene:
Â
Evan had spent the entire day working on a wooden box, carefully etching an intricate dragon onto the lid. His mother, seeing the finished product, was amazed. âEvan, this is incredible! I didnât know you could do that!â she exclaimed with genuine admiration. To her surprise, Evan scowled and shouted, âShut up! Itâs rubbish! I hate you!â He then threw the box across the room, where it shattered against the wall. Huh? What just happened?
Â
Ah, the joys of parenting.
Â
Evanâs reaction illustrates a common trait among perfectionist children: an inability to accept praise and harsh self-criticism. These children often equate their self-worth with their accomplishments, and any perceived imperfection can trigger intense frustration. Some may even avoid completing tasks or trying new things to evade potential failure. No amount of praise will encourage Evan; he must be perfect. Praise only adds to his belief that people do not understand him. We n...
As we journey through the world of parenting, we often find ourselves navigating uncharted territories. One such territory is understanding and supporting our anxious children. Anxiety can manifest in many ways and each child experiences it differently. Itâs our role as parents to provide a safe, understanding, and nurturing environment for our children to thrive.
In this blog post, we will explore some valuable resources that can guide us in this journey. These books offer a wealth of knowledge from experts in child development, education, and psychology. They provide practical strategies, insights, and a deeper understanding of how to support our anxious children.
From the Montessori approach to positive discipline, these books cover a wide range of topics that are relevant to our experiences as parents. Whether youâre new to parenting or have years of experience, these resources can provide fresh perspectives and effective strategies to help you support your chil
...Â