Helping Anxious Kids Thrive

As we step into 2025, many of us are reflecting on how to better support the anxious children in our lives. One concept I find particularly helpful is what I call the "Threat Telescope."

Imagine your child is holding a telescope backwards. Just as this makes distant objects appear smaller, anxiety does the opposite – it magnifies potential threats while shrinking the view of resources, support, and coping abilities. Through this threat telescope:

- A class presentation becomes a guaranteed humiliation

- A playdate morphs into a minefield of social rejection

- A maths test transforms into a measure of their entire worth

- A new situation appears impossibly overwhelming

But here's what's crucial to understand: Each child's threat telescope is uniquely calibrated. Some children might find social situations particularly magnified, while others might zoom in on academic challenges or changes in routine. This is why a one-size-fits-all approach to anxiety support often falls short.

Risk and uncertainty are two different beasts, yet our brains often lump them together. Our minds detest uncertainty.

Perhaps by learning to distinguish between the two, we can take up better control of our anxiety.

Understanding the real risks in any situation and accepting that uncertainty is a part of life is crucial. Step back, evaluate the risk, assign it a value—low or high—and manage it as best you can.

I think this approach helps us handle uncertainty in a more grounded way, keeping anxiety at bay instead of letting it overwhelm us...hopefully. I've worked with this a bit personally and in clinic...it does kinda help a bit.

Imagine the tightrope walker as a child dealing with anxiety—balancing on that rope represents their struggle to manage their fears and uncertainties. The safety net below is like the support system we create for them, ensuring they don’t fall too far if things get tough -sometimes we appraise risk incorrectly and believe we will...

As parents, we often find ourselves at a loss when our children struggle with anxiety. We want to help, but it can be challenging to get them to open up about their experiences and feelings. The key to supporting your anxious child lies in asking the right questions and creating a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express themselves. In this blog post, we'll explore a variety of questions you can use to encourage your child to talk about their anxiety, as well as strategies for dealing with common roadblocks like the silent treatment or "I don't know" responses.

Understanding the Importance of Communication

Before we get into specific questions, let’s get a better understanding of why open communication about anxiety is so important. We don’t want to simply ignore it but at the same time we don’t need to ‘pander to it’ - ideally, we want our children to feel like we ‘get it’ but we also want them to build skills to help them face up to...

Ok. It's 2 AM, and you're jolted awake by a blood-curdling scream. Your heart races as you dash to your child's room, expecting to find a burglar or perhaps a particularly menacing spider. Instead, you're greeted by your six-year-old, trembling under the covers, insisting there's a scary thing in the wardrobe. Is this normal childhood fear, or should you ring the local child psychologist at this ungodly hour?

 Well, according to a recent survey by the UK's National Health Service, approximately 7% of children aged 5-19 have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. That's roughly two children in every primary school classroom grappling with more than just typical childhood worries.

But how do you distinguish between something that's a normal childhood worry and something more sinister? 

We'll examine this in parts...

The Nature of Childhood Fears

Before we start labelling every under-the-bed monster as a sign of impending doom, let's take a moment to...