Making Sense of It All: Anxiety, Parenting, and What Actually Helps
Real world reflections from the clinic, the home, and everywhere in between. For parents navigating anxiety and big emotions in their kids.
Stop Saying 'Calm Down': 5 Phrases That Actually Help Your Anxious Child
I am quite sure, we have all been there.
***crickets***
Ok. Just me?...
Your child is in the midst of an emotional storm. You know the picture: tears streaming, heart racing, completely overwhelmed by whatever; anxiety has taken hold.
In that moment of desperation, the words "calm down" slip from our lips almost automatically.
Seems logical, doesn't it? If they could just calm down, everything would be better? If only they would just...just...
Thing is. Telling an anxious child to "calm down" is not only unhelpful it can actually make things worse. And we know this. Yes, in the heat of the moment, we fall into the same trap...
Before I show you how to avoid it.
Why "Calm Down" Doesn't Work
When we tell a child to calm down, we're essentially asking them to do something they literally cannot do in that moment.
An anxious child's nervous system is in full activation mode.
Their brain has detected a threat (real or perceived) and flooded their system with stress hormones.
...7 Parenting Books for Anxious Kids : Recommended by a Child and Forensic Psychiatrist
As a child and forensic psychiatrist, I’ve witnessed firsthand the impact of anxiety on our tamariki. Childhood anxiety isn’t some distant concept—it’s a real experience that affects millions of our kids (and even adults). It’s like a rising tide, threatening to engulf our whānau. From separation anxiety to those all-encompassing worries, these emotions can hold our little ones hostage.
Anxiety isn’t just a fancy word; it’s a lived reality for our tamariki. Recent studies show that approximately 1 in 8 children grapple with anxiety-related challenges. These feelings might show up as persistent worry, fear of specific situations, or even physical symptoms like puku aches and headaches. As parents, recognizing these signs early is our superpower.
Whānau like you are the kaitiaki of their child’s emotional landscape. Our responses and actions matter—they significantly shape how our kids perceive and manage anxiety. By fostering open communication, empathy, and
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