Making Sense of It All: Anxiety, Parenting, and What Actually Helps
Real world reflections from the clinic, the home, and everywhere in between. For parents navigating anxiety and big emotions in their kids.
Stop Saying 'Calm Down': 5 Phrases That Actually Help Your Anxious Child
I am quite sure, we have all been there.
***crickets***
Ok. Just me?...
Your child is in the midst of an emotional storm. You know the picture: tears streaming, heart racing, completely overwhelmed by whatever; anxiety has taken hold.
In that moment of desperation, the words "calm down" slip from our lips almost automatically.
Seems logical, doesn't it? If they could just calm down, everything would be better? If only they would just...just...
Thing is. Telling an anxious child to "calm down" is not only unhelpful it can actually make things worse. And we know this. Yes, in the heat of the moment, we fall into the same trap...
Before I show you how to avoid it.
Why "Calm Down" Doesn't Work
When we tell a child to calm down, we're essentially asking them to do something they literally cannot do in that moment.
An anxious child's nervous system is in full activation mode.
Their brain has detected a threat (real or perceived) and flooded their system with stress hormones.
...We Don't Need to Escape Our Lives (We Just Need to Be in Them)
It's been 1 week since my family and I returned from France.
Six weeks of 24/7 togetherness, wandering through places that felt like stepping into a dream.
*That photo at the top there: Mont St Michel rising out of the mist was just surreal.
When I walked back into my office this week, something felt off. Not the usual post-holiday blues or the lingering wish to be back sipping coffee in a French café (though I do think I'll retire there someday). No, this was something deeper. Something I recognised immediately.
Slow coffee today in Annecy
The familiar tension had returned to my chest. That uneasy feeling I wake up with most mornings. My old companion: anxiety.
As a psychiatrist, I see anxiety every day.
In the children and adults who sit across from me, fidgeting with worry that feels too big for their small bodies. In the parents who bring them, carrying their own invisible loads of fear about getting it all wrong. I understand them because I am them.
I've alway...
Why Our Mental Health System is Failing Us: A vision for radical change
Our mental health system isn't just inadequate—it's fundamentally misaligned with human needs. While experts debate funding, protocols and guidelines, a generation is struggling with unprecedented mental health challenges. It's time to speak an uncomfortable truth: the current system needs more than reform. It needs a complete reimagining.
Beyond the Status Quo: Challenging Comfortable Assumptions
Traditional psychiatry has devolved into a system that prioritises standardisation over healing. Practitioners find themselves constrained by guidelines that have become rigid barriers to genuine care. Many recognise these limitations but feel powerless to create change, caught between their desire to truly help and the system's demands for conformity.
The real tragedy? This isn't news to those inside the system. Many practitioners see these failures daily but feel unable to spark meaningful change. They're forced to choose between their professional standing and their deepest insights ...
Society Gets the Criminals It Deserves: A Call for Change
Whilst the prospect may seem daunting, it is essential to confront the stark realities that we, and our children, are being steered towards - a world teeming with profound pain, tragedy, and horror. I may appear as a harbinger of doom, ceaselessly alerting about an imminent crisis. My concerns might be dismissed as hyperbole, but I am merely amplifying the sentiments of my spirit animal, Dr. Alexandre Lacassagne.
Dr. Alexandre Lacassagne, a trailblazer in forensic science, astutely observed, “Justice withers, prison corrupts, and society gets the criminals it deserves.” This insightful statement, articulated over a century ago, echoes louder today. As we scrutinise our environment, it becomes clear that the social determinants of crime and mental illness are closely intertwined, and our current systems fall short in addressing these fundamental issues.
I am convinced that it is only a matter of time before the younger generation grapples with significant challenges.
...