The Huddle Wisdom Blog: For Parents of Anxious & Sensitive Kids
Expert guidance and real-world reflections from a child psychiatrist whoâs also a parent.
You Canât Fix Your Anxious Child â And Thatâs Not Your Job
Thereâs a quiet sort of panic I hear often from parents â especially those raising sensitive, intense, or anxious children.
Theyâve tried explaining. Comforting. Distracting. Solving.
And still â the meltdowns, the tension, the fear â they keep coming.
The parent begins to wonder: âWhy isnât this working? Am I doing something wrong?â
Hereâs what I often say gently in response:
Youâre not doing it wrong.
Youâre trying to fix something that doesnât need fixing.
Letâs be clear â anxiety can be distressing. For your child. For you.
But itâs not a broken part. Itâs not something to remove.
Itâs something to understand.
âAnxiety isnât a flaw to correct
Anxious behaviour is often the surface expression of an overloaded nervous system. Your child might not have the words for whatâs happening â so it spills out through avoidance, outbursts, shutdowns, or spirals.
When we respond by rushing to calm them down â even with the best intentions â the message that sometimes lands is:
This emot...
How to Inoculate Kids Against Sociopathy â With Empathy
Let me start with an uncomfortable truth. Children donât become adults with sociopathy overnight. It is not something that simply âhappens.â It is shaped graduallyâoften quietlyâthrough repeated emotional disconnection, unmet relational needs, and a lack of consistent adult guidance.
To be clear:
We do not diagnose sociopathy in children.
The clinical term, Antisocial Personality Disorder, is reserved for adults. However, in my work as a youth forensic psychiatrist, I do encounter early behavioural patterns that raise concernâsuch as cruelty to others, chronic lying, or apparent indifference to consequence. But these signs donât automatically mean a child is on the path to becoming sociopathic.
And this is an important distinction.
âEvery Child Experiments with Self-Centredness
We all carry some degree of self-interest and emotional short-sightedness. In childhood, thatâs not sociopathyâitâs developmentally normal.
Children are still learning what empathy feels like, what it req...
Authenticity in Parenting: The Balance Between Play and Self-Care
 Ah, the modern parentâs dilemma: to play or not to play?
Weâre constantly bombarded with the notion that we must be perpetually engaged and playful with our children. Letâs face it, sometimes the thought of another round of hide-and-seek is about as appealing as doing your tax returns.
Itâs perfectly normal not to feel like playing all the time. Itâs okay to not be a human jungle gym 24/7.
Self-Compassion: The Unsung Hero
One of the pearls of wisdom Iâve gathered from my practice is the importance of self-compassion. Parents, especially those juggling ADHD, anxiety, and other mental health conditions, often push themselves to meet every perceived obligation. But being true to your authentic self will recharge you, allowing you to be genuinely playful when the time is right. Taking care of yourself so you can actually enjoy playing with your kids? Revolutionary, isnât it? But hang on...this is not me giving you permission to jettison your parental obligations either. Balanc...
Top Parenting Books for Montessori Parents with Anxious Sensitive Kids
As we journey through the world of parenting, we often find ourselves navigating uncharted territories. One such territory is understanding and supporting our anxious children. Anxiety can manifest in many ways and each child experiences it differently. Itâs our role as parents to provide a safe, understanding, and nurturing environment for our children to thrive.
In this blog post, we will explore some valuable resources that can guide us in this journey. These books offer a wealth of knowledge from experts in child development, education, and psychology. They provide practical strategies, insights, and a deeper understanding of how to support our anxious children.
From the Montessori approach to positive discipline, these books cover a wide range of topics that are relevant to our experiences as parents. Whether youâre new to parenting or have years of experience, these resources can provide fresh perspectives and effective strategies to help you support your chil
...Society Gets the Criminals It Deserves: A Call for Change
Whilst the prospect may seem daunting, it is essential to confront the stark realities that we, and our children, are being steered towards - a world teeming with profound pain, tragedy, and horror. I may appear as a harbinger of doom, ceaselessly alerting about an imminent crisis. My concerns might be dismissed as hyperbole, but I am merely amplifying the sentiments of my spirit animal, Dr. Alexandre Lacassagne.
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Dr. Alexandre Lacassagne, a trailblazer in forensic science, astutely observed, âJustice withers, prison corrupts, and society gets the criminals it deserves.â This insightful statement, articulated over a century ago, echoes louder today. As we scrutinise our environment, it becomes clear that the social determinants of crime and mental illness are closely intertwined, and our current systems fall short in addressing these fundamental issues.
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I am convinced that it is only a matter of time before the younger generation grapples with significant challenges.
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7 Parenting Books for Anxious Kids : Recommended by a Child and Forensic Psychiatrist
As a child and forensic psychiatrist, Iâve witnessed firsthand the impact of anxiety on our tamariki. Childhood anxiety isnât some distant conceptâitâs a real experience that affects millions of our kids (and even adults). Itâs like a rising tide, threatening to engulf our whÄnau. From separation anxiety to those all-encompassing worries, these emotions can hold our little ones hostage.
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Anxiety isnât just a fancy word; itâs a lived reality for our tamariki. Recent studies show that approximately 1 in 8 children grapple with anxiety-related challenges. These feelings might show up as persistent worry, fear of specific situations, or even physical symptoms like puku aches and headaches. As parents, recognizing these signs early is our superpower.
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WhÄnau like you are the kaitiaki of their childâs emotional landscape. Our responses and actions matterâthey significantly shape how our kids perceive and manage anxiety. By fostering open communication, empathy, and
...đ§ Making Sense of Anxious Kids â Youâre More Equipped Than You Think
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Connecting with anxious or neurodivergent children isnât always easyâespecially when emotions are high and meltdowns seem to come out of nowhere.
In those moments, itâs completely normal to feel overwhelmed. You might even question whether you're getting it right, or feel the weight of guilt creeping in. Maybe you've thought, âAm I doing enough?â or âWhy canât I stay calm?â
But hereâs the truth:
You are not failing.
You are not alone.
And you are more capable than you realize.
The ability to support your child with calm and confidence is already within youâit may just need some encouragement, clarity, and a little practice.
Thatâs why I created (and recently updated) my self-paced audio course:
đ§âŻMaking Sense of Anxious Children
Itâs designed to help you understand whatâs really going on beneath your childâs anxietyâand how to respond with empathy, not exhaustion. Youâll learn practical tools to reduce emotional friction, strengthen your connection, and feel more confiden
...Understanding Neurodiversity: A Parentâs Perspective
As parents, we often traverse the intricate landscape of child-rearing, equipped with a blend of instinct, generational wisdom, and expert guidance. However, when it comes to comprehending neurodiversity, it can feel as though weâre venturing into unknown terrain. This is primarily because neurodiversity, a relatively novel concept, challenges conventional perceptions of neurological development. It encourages us to shift our viewpoint from viewing certain neurological conditions as âdisordersâ to recognising them as merely different ways of perceiving the world.
Understanding neurodiversity can be intimidating due to its extensive scope. It encompasses a broad range of neurological differences, each with its distinct characteristics and challenges. As parents, itâs vital for us to learn about these differences to support our children and advocate for them in various social environments like schools and local communities.
So, What is Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity is a concept
...Fighting anxiety one step at a time: Graded Hierachies for Parents
 As parents, our role in our childrenâs lives is multifaceted, but perhaps the most crucial aspect is the bond we share with them. This connection is the foundation upon which we can build resilience against anxiety. Today, weâre sharing the Graded Hierarchy Method, a step-by-step approach that is supercharged by the strength of your relationship with your child.
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The Cornerstone of Trust:
Before diving into the method, itâs essential to understand that trust and security are the currency of any relationship, especially with your anxious child. Like money in the bank, these elements of connection ensure that you have the emotional credit to support your child through the costly process of fighting anxiety. Without a strong bond, you risk overdrafting on this account, leading to potential damage or conflict within your relationship.
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Understanding Anxiety Triggers:
Identifying what sparks your childâs anxiety is the first step. Here are some examples:
- Example 1: Fea ...
Ah, the joys of parenthood!
There you are, blissfully dreaming, when suddenly, youâre jolted awake by a little voice asking about the fate of the planet.
Lynsey G posed a great question: What do you say to kiddos with anxiety over concerns about the environment or similar global-scale problems, at 2 in the morning?
Hereâs one approach you could test to handle those midnight queries with empathy, brevity, and a gentle nudge back to bed.
First, letâs validate those feelings. Even in your half-asleep state, itâs important to let your child know that itâs okay to be worried. âI can see youâre really concerned about the environment. Itâs okay to feel that way. It shows you care a lot.â
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At 2 AM, simplicity is key. You want to soothe and comfort without diving into a full-blown discussion. âThere are many people working hard to take care of the Earth. Scientists, activists, and even kids like you are making a difference every day.â
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Highlight the positive actions being taken to ad
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