Making Sense of It All: Anxiety, Parenting, and What Actually Helps

It's been 1 week since my family and I returned from France.

Six weeks of 24/7 togetherness, wandering through places that felt like stepping into a dream. 

*That photo at the top there: Mont St Michel rising out of the mist was just surreal. 

 When I walked back into my office this week, something felt off. Not the usual post-holiday blues or the lingering wish to be back sipping coffee in a French café (though I do think I'll retire there someday). No, this was something deeper. Something I recognised immediately.

Slow coffee today in Annecy

 The familiar tension had returned to my chest. That uneasy feeling I wake up with most mornings. My old companion: anxiety.

 As a psychiatrist, I see anxiety every day.

In the children and adults who sit across from me, fidgeting with worry that feels too big for their small bodies. In the parents who bring them, carrying their own invisible loads of fear about getting it all wrong. I understand them because I am them.

I've alway...

There’s a quiet sort of panic I hear often from parents — especially those raising sensitive, intense, or anxious children.

They’ve tried explaining. Comforting. Distracting. Solving.

And still — the meltdowns, the tension, the fear — they keep coming.

The parent begins to wonder: “Why isn’t this working? Am I doing something wrong?”

Here’s what I often say gently in response:
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re trying to fix something that doesn’t need fixing.

Let’s be clear — anxiety can be distressing. For your child. For you.
But it’s not a broken part. It’s not something to remove.
It’s something to understand.

▍Anxiety isn’t a flaw to correct

Anxious behaviour is often the surface expression of an overloaded nervous system. Your child might not have the words for what’s happening — so it spills out through avoidance, outbursts, shutdowns, or spirals.

When we respond by rushing to calm them down — even with the best intentions — the message that sometimes lands is:
This emot...

Risk and uncertainty are two different beasts, yet our brains often lump them together. Our minds detest uncertainty.

Perhaps by learning to distinguish between the two, we can take up better control of our anxiety.

Understanding the real risks in any situation and accepting that uncertainty is a part of life is crucial. Step back, evaluate the risk, assign it a value—low or high—and manage it as best you can.

I think this approach helps us handle uncertainty in a more grounded way, keeping anxiety at bay instead of letting it overwhelm us...hopefully. I've worked with this a bit personally and in clinic...it does kinda help a bit.

Imagine the tightrope walker as a child dealing with anxiety—balancing on that rope represents their struggle to manage their fears and uncertainties. The safety net below is like the support system we create for them, ensuring they don’t fall too far if things get tough -sometimes we appraise risk incorrectly and believe we will fall and this will be ...

I know why kids are struggling more than ever with anxiety. Is it arrogance to say such things? Maybe... but hear me out.

Punch line first.

It's our modern world—a mix of digital overload, academic pressure, and societal expectations. But there's good news.

Elaboration now.

I think I know the answer. [Insert Hubris Here].

The Shifting Sands of Religion

First, let's talk about the decline of traditional religion. Before you get excited, I'm not saying this is the reason why we're not doing well. This shift isn't inherently good or bad; in my view, the decline is simply a reflection of the times. A function of detachable attachment. What? Stick with me.

With globalisation, scientific advancements, and a cultural move towards individualism, many young people are stepping away from organised religion. I think young people are less sticky these days. 

So, where are kids finding their sense of purpose these days? Let's break it down:

1. Social and Environm...

Helping Hard-to-Engage Kids Talk About Anxiety (and Why the Right Question Might Surprise You)

Anxiety among children has nearly doubled in recent years. According to a recent meta-analysis, around 20.5% of youth worldwide now experience anxiety symptoms. That’s roughly 1 in 5 kids.

Many of these children are hard to reach—not because they don’t want help, but because they don’t yet know how to talk about what’s going on inside.

So how do we support kids who shut down, resist, or retreat into silence?

Let me share a story that illustrates what’s possible when we lead with empathy and curiosity—even if it means taking a bit of a risk.

The Unexpected Question That Changed Everything

I was working with a 15-year-old who played video games for 7 hours a day and put in just 2 hours of schoolwork. He didn’t want to be there. He said it plainly.

But instead of confronting him about school, I surprised him.
I asked:
👉 “Why aren’t you playing more video games?”

Yes, you read that rig...

Today, after dropping off my children at school, I found myself reflecting on an incident. A young girl had fallen and grazed her knee. As she cried, seemingly more from embarrassment than pain, an adult comforted her, praising her bravery and encouraging her to continue. While the adult’s intentions were undoubtedly good, I pondered how the approach could have been slightly different.

 I firmly believe that as adults, our role is to prepare children for life’s journey, not to smooth their path. This concept is beautifully articulated in Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt’s book ‘The Coddling of the American Mind’. However, it’s essential to recognise that everyone experiences pain. It’s not about dwelling in discomfort or letting it hinder us, but rather acknowledging our children’s feelings when they’re hurt, then offering reassurance and guidance for what lies ahead.

This brings me to the topic I wish to discuss today: decision-making in the...

Anxiety in children often hides in plain sight. It doesn’t always show up as obvious distress—instead, it masks itself as quiet avoidance, perfectionism, tummy aches, or “bad behavior.” And while it may be hidden, its long-term effects can be profound.

Let’s take a closer look at what anxiety does to a child’s mind, body, and development—and why early understanding and support can change everything.

The Rising Tide of Childhood Anxiety

The numbers speak volumes. According to the CDC, around 9.4% of children aged 3–17 were diagnosed with anxiety between 2016 and 2019. More recent studies estimate that over 20% of youth worldwide now experience anxiety symptoms. That’s 1 in 5 kids.

This isn’t just a trend—it’s a growing mental health crisis that deserves urgent, compassionate attention.

Anxiety Often Hides in Silence

Unlike physical ailments, anxiety often goes unnoticed. Many children don’t have the language to describe their inner world. Others fear being judged, misunders...

A confusing scene:

Evan had spent the entire day working on a wooden box, carefully etching an intricate dragon onto the lid. His mother, seeing the finished product, was amazed. “Evan, this is incredible! I didn’t know you could do that!” she exclaimed with genuine admiration. To her surprise, Evan scowled and shouted, “Shut up! It’s rubbish! I hate you!” He then threw the box across the room, where it shattered against the wall. Huh? What just happened?

Ah, the joys of parenting.

What’s Going On?

Evan’s reaction illustrates a common trait among perfectionist children: an inability to accept praise and harsh self-criticism. These children often equate their self-worth with their accomplishments, and any perceived imperfection can trigger intense frustration. Some may even avoid completing tasks or trying new things to evade potential failure. No amount of praise will encourage Evan; he must be perfect. Praise only adds to his belief that people do not understand him. We n...