Making Sense of Anxious Children: A grounded framework for staying steady when your child isn’t

The Huddle Wisdom Blog: For Parents of Anxious & Sensitive Kids

Expert guidance and real-world reflections from a child psychiatrist who’s also a parent.

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR CHILD'S ANXIETY TODAY

Why Does My Teen Hate Me? The Surprising Truth Every Parent Needs to Know!

 

So...It’s a typical Tuesday evening. You’ve just finished preparing dinner, and you call your teen to the table. Instead of the usual chatter, you’re met with a sullen silence. Your teen slumps into their chair, barely acknowledging your presence. You ask about their day, and the response is a curt, “Fine.” You try to engage them in conversation, but every attempt is met with eye rolls and monosyllabic answers.

Later, you remind them to finish their homework and tidy up their room. Suddenly, the calm breaks. “Why do you always nag me? I hate you!” they shout before storming off to their room, slamming the door behind them.

You’re left standing there, heart aching and mind racing. What just happened? Why does your teen seem to hate you?

If this scenario sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents experience these challenging moments with their teens. But before you take it personally, it’s important to understand what’s really going on. Let’s explore why your teen

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Say Goodbye to Whining: The Ultimate Guide for Frustrated Parents

whining Aug 28, 2024

 

Whining: Understanding and Managing This Common Challenge

Whining is a behavior that can test the patience of even the most composed parents. From toddlers demanding toys to teenagers negotiating curfews, this persistent issue can strain family dynamics. According to a survey by BabyCenter, 67% of parents find whining to be the most frustrating behavior in their children. Understanding the root causes of whining and implementing effective strategies is crucial for fostering a harmonious home environment.

The Psychology Behind Whining

  1. Reinforcement Through Response Children quickly learn that whining garners attention, even if it’s negative. Research published in the Journal of Applied Behaviour Analysis found that parental attention, regardless of its nature, can reinforce whining behavior in 85% of cases. When parents consistently yield to demands or respond to whining, they inadvertently teach their children that this tactic is effective.

    Real-life example: The Smith

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Humour and parenting: Secret weapon

funny humour Aug 26, 2024

A recent study published in PLOS ONE has attempted to answer the age-old question: "Does humour have a role in parenting?" ... it seems the answer is "yes, but..."

 

Most respondents reckon, humour can be an effective parenting tool, with more potential benefits than harm. Many even expressed interest in a course on how to use humour in parenting. *ahem. empathy and timing are key...I wonder where one can learn more about that 🤔 

 

However, before we all rush off to enrol in stand-up comedy classes, we must consider a few limitations of this study. The sample size was relatively small (312 respondents) and predominantly male (63.6%) and white (76.6%). One might suggest that the researchers were studying the "dad joke" phenomenon rather than humour in parenting as a whole.

 

Moreover, the study relies heavily on self-reporting and retrospective assessments. Memory can be a fickle friend, especially when it comes to childhood experiences. It's possible that those who had positive r...

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Navigating Life's Uncertainties: A Reflection

anxiety empathic guidance Aug 26, 2024

Today, after dropping off my children at school, I found myself reflecting on an incident. A young girl had fallen and grazed her knee. As she cried, seemingly more from embarrassment than pain, an adult comforted her, praising her bravery and encouraging her to continue. While the adult’s intentions were undoubtedly good, I pondered how the approach could have been slightly different.

 I firmly believe that as adults, our role is to prepare children for life’s journey, not to smooth their path. This concept is beautifully articulated in Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt’s book ‘The Coddling of the American Mind’. However, it’s essential to recognise that everyone experiences pain. It’s not about dwelling in discomfort or letting it hinder us, but rather acknowledging our children’s feelings when they’re hurt, then offering reassurance and guidance for what lies ahead.

The Coddling of the American Mind

This brings me to the topic I wish to discuss today: decision-making in the...

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How to Help Your Anxious Child Open Up: Questions, Strategies & Connection

 

 

As parents, it can be heartbreaking to see our children struggling with anxiety—especially when they won’t or can’t talk about what’s going on. We want to help, but we don’t always know how to reach them.

The key? Asking the right questions and creating a safe, non-judgmental environment where they feel seen and heard.

In this guide, we’ll walk through practical questions to help your child open up about anxiety—and explore how to respond when all you hear is silence or “I don’t know.”


Why Open Conversations About Anxiety Matter

When children can talk about their feelings, they’re more likely to:

  • Understand and regulate their emotions

  • Feel less isolated in their struggles

  • Build emotional resilience

  • Strengthen trust with the adults who care for them

Your goal isn’t to interrogate or “fix” them—it’s to open a door for connection and help them feel safe enough to step through it.


Questions That Help Uncover Anxiety

Start with gentle, open-ended que...

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The Hidden Impact of Anxiety in Children—and What We Can Do About It

anxiety prevention Aug 22, 2024

 

Anxiety in children often hides in plain sight. It doesn’t always show up as obvious distress—instead, it masks itself as quiet avoidance, perfectionism, tummy aches, or “bad behavior.” And while it may be hidden, its long-term effects can be profound.

Let’s take a closer look at what anxiety does to a child’s mind, body, and development—and why early understanding and support can change everything.


The Rising Tide of Childhood Anxiety

The numbers speak volumes. According to the CDC, around 9.4% of children aged 3–17 were diagnosed with anxiety between 2016 and 2019. More recent studies estimate that over 20% of youth worldwide now experience anxiety symptoms. That’s 1 in 5 kids.

This isn’t just a trend—it’s a growing mental health crisis that deserves urgent, compassionate attention.


Anxiety Often Hides in Silence

Unlike physical ailments, anxiety often goes unnoticed. Many children don’t have the language to describe their inner world. Others fear being judged, misunders...

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Understanding Childhood Fears vs. Anxiety: A Guide for Parents

Ok. It's 2 AM, and you're jolted awake by a blood-curdling scream. Your heart races as you dash to your child's room, expecting to find a burglar or perhaps a particularly menacing spider. Instead, you're greeted by your six-year-old, trembling under the covers, insisting there's a scary thing in the wardrobe. Is this normal childhood fear, or should you ring the local child psychologist at this ungodly hour?

 Well, according to a recent survey by the UK's National Health Service, approximately 7% of children aged 5-19 have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. That's roughly two children in every primary school classroom grappling with more than just typical childhood worries.

But how do you distinguish between something that's a normal childhood worry and something more sinister? 

We'll examine this in parts...

 

The Nature of Childhood Fears

Before we start labelling every under-the-bed monster as a sign of impending doom, let's take a moment to appreciate the wonderfully w...

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Being a perfectly imperfect parent

perfection Aug 18, 2024

Word up frazzled parents of the world! 

Let’s talk. Again. About the glorious mess that is parenting. Now, before you roll your eyes and think, "Oh great, another parenting expert telling me how to raise my kids," let me assure you – I'm not here to add to your already towering pile of guilt and self-doubt. No, today we're going to embrace the chaos, laugh at our mistakes, and maybe, just maybe, feel a bit better about this whole parenting lark.

 

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

 

Let's start with a shocking revelation: perfect parents don't exist. I know, I know, it's hard to believe when your social media feed is full of immaculately dressed children eating organic, hand-crafted lunches while simultaneously learning Mandarin and advanced calculus. But trust me, behind those carefully curated posts is a parent just like you, probably wearing yesterday's clothes and wondering if cereal for dinner counts as a balanced meal. It probably does.

 

Remember Ruby Franke? The family vlog...

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A Wake-Up Call: Prevention of Mental Health Problems Starts at Home 🏠

A recent article in The Lancet highlights the alarming prevalence of multimorbidity among individuals with severe mental illness, underscoring the need for comprehensive care. These are things we already knew but have now been tactfully validated by the good authors of this paper.

But to me… here’s the crux:

Prevention MUST start at home. 🏠

When children are well-connected with their families, they are less likely to fall into the traps of phone addiction, substance abuse, and youth crime.

Some Key Takeaways from The Lancet Article🗝️

  • Prevalence of Multimorbidity: People with severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia-spectrum disorder and bipolar disorder, face higher rates of both physical and psychiatric multimorbidity compared to those without severe mental illness. [Go figure!]
  • Impact on Health Outcomes: The presence of multiple chronic conditions significantly worsens health outcomes for individuals with severe mental illness.
  • Younger Populations at Higher Risk: Younger
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The Parenting Tightrope: Balancing Empathy and Challenge

Uncategorized Aug 16, 2024

Kia ora, fellow parents!

 

The following is a summary of stuff I talk about on Episode 99 of the Parenting with Huddle Wisdom Podcast. A bit of an accompanying cheat sheet if you will which you can share and print for the main points.

https://www.huddlewisdom.com/podcasts/parenting-with-huddle-wisdom 

 

Balancing Respect for Individuality and Encouraging Potential

 

Respecting our children’s individuality while simultaneously encouraging them to reach their full potential is a challenging task. Here’s how we can approach it effectively:

 

Empathy: The Key to Positive Parenting

 

Empathy transforms us from mere authority figures into relatable human beings in our children’s eyes. It allows us to connect with them, understand their struggles, and validate their feelings. Empathy is about recognizing that a child’s frustration over tying shoelaces is as significant to them as our frustrations with complex tasks. It shows our support, even when we are the source of their f

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Meaningful Bonds for Lasting Influence

 

Struggling to communicate with your children?

Learn ways to support them even when words fail.

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