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How to better understand people

6 keys to help you help your kids be more empathetic

empathy mental models Jul 14, 2022

How do I teach my kids to empathise?

 

Empathy is critical for authentic human connection.

 

It helps you became much more impactful in the world because it facilitates trust - which is crucial for winning hearts and minds. 

 

Empathy as a construct is multidimensional. I’ve talked about various attributes that comprise empathic ability before www.huddlewisdom.com/blog/3partempathy

 

...but there's still a lot that we are learning about empathy and its expression.

 

...we're also learning more about how we can effectively systematise and foster skills to improve our empathic capacity.

 

A myriad childhood experiences influences the development of empathic skill. The manner in which carers relate, communicate and transmit mental models of the world across to us. Cultural factors and social medial influences also can’t be ignored. All such things shapes young minds.

 

Parents/teachers clearly then have a critical role in the world....

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Intuition or information - which is best for decision making?

Uncategorized Jun 23, 2022

Ex-sec of state Colin Powell, had a rule of thumb, approaching situations requiring a prompt decision to be made.

He tried not to make a decision unless he had at least 40% of the information and then made a decision when he had nearly 70% of the information.

“When you have about 70% of all the information, you probably ought to decide, because you may lose an opportunity. My own experience is that you get as much information as you can and then you pay attention to your intuition, to your informed instinct. Sometimes what my analytical mind says to me is not what I’ll do.”

I would add a CAVEAT: * I think intuition is useful if you have competency in a particular area of expertise but far less reliable if you don't - even if you have 40-70% of the information at your disposal.

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3 parts of empathy

empathy Jun 16, 2022

At a foundational level, accurate empathy in my mind involves recognising and understanding 3 major components that characterise it.

These 3 components comprise of cognition (thoughts), affect (emotion) and perception (feelings).

Perception speaks to feeling through your senses. This is intangible but it is real.

For example; we can feel the effects of the wind but we can't see it, though none of us are in any doubt that it exists.

Like the invisible pull of a magnetic force for example, when you feel connected and drawn to another person.

Perception however is only part of the equation; if too much weight is placed on perception we are likely to empathise inaccurately because we have neglected the other components.

All 3 components need to be attended to in order to reach a place of optimal balance; and that's when you will be able to find that your empathising will be most influential.

If you are able to train yourself to be sensitive to the relative 'weight' of each component, moment...

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What is resilience and how can my kid get some?

mental models resilience Jun 07, 2022

Most parents and teachers i think would like to know that their kids could persevere through hardship if they so choose to. 

 

What sorts of hardships we want them to tackle is a little subjective. Which ones do we let slide?

 

Some kids are more than happy going through some hardship if it means playing Tekken for hours till they reach the boss at the end of the game right? Is that resilience? I suppose it could be described as that. 

 

We always have to consider things in context. 

 

 

We need to have some idea of the things we value in order to determine whether something is worth pursuing or not; worth persevering hardships in order to reach the ‘prize’. 



Why am I saying this? Well, I think if we can determine early on the things that really matter then we don’t have to waste our energy persevering with things that don’t matter. 

 

 

So resilience is not a character trait in my view. It’s...

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Seasons come and go. You remain.

Winters in our lives can make us feel inert. We might erroneously think that we're stagnating; except that the reality is that this is our opportunity to take stock, rest and store energy we need for new growth. Allow yourself to be still and reconsider what your intentions are for this season. Remember goals are fleeting, but growing into your intention is forever.

 

What are your intentions for your life? for your children? for your world?

 

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The Practice of Empathic Discipline Course is Ready

Uncategorized May 30, 2022
 

The Practice of Empathic Discipline Audio Based Course is ready to go.

The course exists because I want parents, teachers and kids to thrive. With emotional intelligence and empathy you can help children master their emotions, guard their mental health, strengthen relationships and make better life choices.

Head on over to:

www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

 

 #huddlewisdom
#empathy
#emotionalintelligence 
#mentalhealth
#kids
#parents
#teachers

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How do we stop yet another school shooting? [WARNING**** Material in post might be distressing to some folks]]

empathic connection May 26, 2022

I don’t often read the news these days…and for good reason. There’s enough tragedy flashing up on my social media feeds already that I’m going to have to increase my antidepressant dosage. 




The media have referred to Salvador Ramos as a man. He only just turned 18 last Monday. He’s a child; not a man. But he has been described to have been the shooter behind the killing of 19 children and 2 of their teachers in Uvalde, a city of about 16000 people nestled between the Texan/Mexican border and San Antonio in the USA. 




If you were like me having come across that piece of news, I’m sure you would have felt sickened, shocked, outraged, saddened, confused, anxious and maybe frightened? 




We’ve seen this before. Remember Columbine? Sandy Hook? South Florida? Buffalo? South Texas, and many other tragic events involving kids killing kids. The news talk about the who/what/when/where/how but hardly the why. I suppose it’s easy...

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How to build an emotionally intelligent organisation with empathy?

Attempts to align staff with a power over and control approach to force commitment isn't likely to be ultimately rewarding, though perhaps in some instances this may produce some superficial gains initially; it is likely to be outweighed by unwanted effects going forward i.e. resistance and resentment in staff. You may discover that unhelpful patterns of inter-relating can then entrench themselves over time, and erode team functioning in the long run. How might you then evoke commitment that strengthens cohesion and motivation that drives teams towards the achievement of its' goals, while validating individual expression and maintaining the integrity of the team?

The onus for 'setting the scene' I believe, begins with the organisation, but responsibility for ensuring that the employer-employee relationship moves in a desirable direction is a corporate affair which requires effective relational skills, emotion modulation, and empathy. These skills help to promote those factors such...

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How to never be called a jerk again

If you're anyone providing a service to other people or if you proclaim to do so; you ought to abide by a few ground rules. 

My golden rule is 'don't be a jerk'. Amazing how often this rule is violated because of hubris. Don't be that person. Don't be a jerk. 

How? How do you avoid jerkdom? Let me tell you a few things. 

First: remember you are not more important than anyone else. Your client/customer/patient/person has come to you for help. Or at least they think you can help. So, set your ego aside and put yourself in their shoes. Where are they in their journey? Remember they are the hero. Not you. You are the guide. 

Second: Believe them. Don't second guess them. Don't berate them. Don't scoff. Don't say "well in my experience, that can't happen" because you are probably wrong since your experience doesn't mean squat. Its their experience that is important, not yours. Don't be a jerk. If you think your experience trumps theirs. Then you're a jerk. 

...

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What do I say when I don't know what to say?

empathic connection May 09, 2022

If you've ever found yourself fumbling for words because you want to be encouraging and helpful to friends or family in need, you're not alone! It's not like the movies where people always seem to know what to say (you don't have a script writer helping you!). 

Just remember though; you don't always need to use words to convey that you're there for your loved ones and sometimes words distort your message. How the message is packaged and delivered is the important thing. 

I encourage you to read the last blog post where we dig into the essentials of how you can help another person feel understood and heard : Accurate Empathy 

Words are only as powerful as the manner in which they are delivered. 

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Sometimes kids have a hard time talking to you about things when they need the most help. Learn to use emotional intelligence and empathic connection to gain co-operation without the friction.