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How to better understand people

How do we deal with plateaus and make progress?

Huddle Wisdom
How do we deal with plateaus and make progress?
There are no straight lines in life. Well. Not from my perspective anyways, if that counts for anything.
When we chart our own progress with anything; it's helpful to take a top down view. We tend to see things linearly if we don't and any set back or regression (which is normal) might be seen as a failing or a move backwards; and we feel disheartened. BUT, it's entirely normal for growth to be more of a wiggly trendline. It's just that we notice the dips more than the tops because we're designed to sense something threatening and focus our attention on that; such as a regression being threatening to our integrity/ego.
So next time you're feeling bummed about your apparent lack of progress, just look back and see how far you've come. Recognise that life is not a straight line. There are always ups and downs. Zooming out, take a birds eye view of your progress. It helps us get away from selective bias in our thinking. 
#life ...
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Sorry not sorry. Learn to apologise more.

Uncategorized Mar 16, 2022

I learn a lot from my patients. I catch myself saying things that I wouldn't normally say to myself, not because I don't believe them, but because I'm notoriously bad at following my own advice. 


The question I have for you and for me, is do you (I) apologize enough? I know that I don't do it as much as I should because doing so means taking responsibility for the bad things that happen, and also the good things that happen. I have to take ownership for acts of commision or ommision that have caused harm whether on purpose or inadvertently. There's something inherently difficult about that. Perhaps it offends our sense of what is just, right and wrong. But life is complicated, it's not black nor white. Saying sorry makes us feel vulnerable, exposed and I think the  willingness to be vulnerable signals strength in the end - I mention this not as a means to justify, but as observation. In the same vein, I want to forgive more. Isn't it tiresome holding on to past...

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How do I stop playing the victim?

Attributing outcomes to individual strength or flaws is problematic if we don't learn to recognise the role of circumstances and the complex interactional factors in life that lead to said outcomes.
If we can learn to appreciate the role that the system plays in individual choices, I think this could help us break unhelpful and automatic biased thinking patterns. Perhaps the key to making better decisions is to learn how to think more systemically rather than individualistically.
I talk about this in more detail on the Huddle Wisdom Podcast; and I recommend tuning in to Episode 9 ('Stop blaming and Complaining). Stop blaming. Just live.
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How hard do we push out kids?

parenting Mar 08, 2022

It can be really challenging to know how much tension to apply when we'd like our kids to do stuff, because we believe it'll be good for them. If you get resistance, consider the following before deciding how much pressure to apply. 


  • Check your own motivations first. It's wonderful when they experience a sense of achievement that comes from seeing effort pay-off, but are we 'pushing' them for selfish reasons?
  • Get an idea of whether their temperament / interests / stage of development matches the nature of the activity. Knowledge of your child and student is key to understanding how much 'pushing' they can tolerate. 
  • Ask if they have the skills to cope with the demands of the activity. Do they need help upskilling in a specific area so it increases their chances of enjoying it?

When you think it's time to push; apply gentle pressure, like when you're teaching them how to ride a bike. 


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How do I get over a rut?

Have you ever tried to stand up in the middle of a seesaw? If you're a little un-coordinated like me, this can be a little challenging. But even if you do have olympic level balance, your body still has to make adjustments in order to find your equilibrium. With a bit of work, soon you're standing up in the middle of it, perfectly balanced...well maybe not perfect, but enough to enjoy the imaginary applause of folks watching your efforts.


How did you find that balance up there? Sure, you can say it's just skill. But it's the 'wobble' that fed information to your body and brain that then induced you to take action and make adjustments until you find your equilibrium. You see, the 'wobble'...the struggle, is a necessary experience. Stay committed...keep showing up...stay consistent. Without the 'wobble' you can't find your equilibrium. 


So if you're stuck in the middle of a wobble, don't lose hope...stay on the'll eventually find your place. If you...

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Become Influential

Sometimes kids have a hard time talking to you about things when they need the most help. Learn to use emotional intelligence and empathic connection to gain co-operation without the friction.