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The Huddle Wisdom Blog

Knowledge is power, but only wisdom is liberty - Will Durant

HALT if it's good enough for AA, it's good enough for me

parenting Mar 26, 2022

In the heat of the moment, us adults just want to rid ourselves of the emotional fire our kids have ignited for us. 

For many of us, it's incredibly difficult to keep our composure and not add fuel to flame, lest do or say something that we regret later. 

The H.A.L.T acronym is great and easy to remember. 

H is for hunger - are we hungry? are our children hungry? None of us do well when we're starving. So let's make sure we feed the beast! Make sure the kids get something to eat when they get home from school. And there's definitely something to be said of making sure they get 3 square meals and something to snack on in between (fibrous fruit and nuts is great to sustain their energy levels). 

A is for angry - we have to empathise with that, acknowledge that feeling and validate them. But we have to pick our moments when we want to discipline or teach. Wait for the flames to peter out first. 

L is for lonely or lost - sometimes when our kids are...

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How do I stop being overwhelmed by my emotions?

Sometimes we make impulsive decisions in the heat of the moment when our lizard brains get far too ferocious. It's not all our fault, we were designed so that our limbic systems kick into gear when we sense threat or danger in the environment. 


But sometimes we need a wizard to keep our lizard brain in check. We need a wizard to be able to assess threat with a little more nuance so we're not making decisions that we might regret later. 


Of course, it's important that our lizard brain helps us to stay away from danger or deal with danger if it is imminent. But sometimes we use our lizard brain too much when we're making decisions in the future, and we over-estimate threat; that's when our wizard brain is more useful. 


The reality is that we need both lizard and wizard. But i think it's better that the ol' wizard is riding the lizard than the other way around!


Tune in to Episode 7 of the Huddle Wisdom Podcast where I talk about this a bit...

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How do we deal with plateaus and make progress?

Huddle Wisdom
How do we deal with plateaus and make progress?
There are no straight lines in life. Well. Not from my perspective anyways, if that counts for anything.
When we chart our own progress with anything; it's helpful to take a top down view. We tend to see things linearly if we don't and any set back or regression (which is normal) might be seen as a failing or a move backwards; and we feel disheartened. BUT, it's entirely normal for growth to be more of a wiggly trendline. It's just that we notice the dips more than the tops because we're designed to sense something threatening and focus our attention on that; such as a regression being threatening to our integrity/ego.
So next time you're feeling bummed about your apparent lack of progress, just look back and see how far you've come. Recognise that life is not a straight line. There are always ups and downs. Zooming out, take a birds eye view of your progress. It helps us get away from selective bias in our thinking. 
#life ...
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Sorry not sorry. Learn to apologise more.

Uncategorized Mar 16, 2022

I learn a lot from my patients. I catch myself saying things that I wouldn't normally say to myself, not because I don't believe them, but because I'm notoriously bad at following my own advice. 


The question I have for you and for me, is do you (I) apologize enough? I know that I don't do it as much as I should because doing so means taking responsibility for the bad things that happen, and also the good things that happen. I have to take ownership for acts of commision or ommision that have caused harm whether on purpose or inadvertently. There's something inherently difficult about that. Perhaps it offends our sense of what is just, right and wrong. But life is complicated, it's not black nor white. Saying sorry makes us feel vulnerable, exposed and I think the  willingness to be vulnerable signals strength in the end - I mention this not as a means to justify, but as observation. In the same vein, I want to forgive more. Isn't it tiresome holding on to past...

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How do I stop playing the victim?

Attributing outcomes to individual strength or flaws is problematic if we don't learn to recognise the role of circumstances and the complex interactional factors in life that lead to said outcomes.
If we can learn to appreciate the role that the system plays in individual choices, I think this could help us break unhelpful and automatic biased thinking patterns. Perhaps the key to making better decisions is to learn how to think more systemically rather than individualistically.
I talk about this in more detail on the Huddle Wisdom Podcast; and I recommend tuning in to Episode 9 ('Stop blaming and Complaining). Stop blaming. Just live.
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How hard do we push out kids?

parenting Mar 09, 2022

It can be really challenging to know how much tension to apply when we'd like our kids to do stuff, because we believe it'll be good for them. If you get resistance, consider the following before deciding how much pressure to apply. 


  • Check your own motivations first. It's wonderful when they experience a sense of achievement that comes from seeing effort pay-off, but are we 'pushing' them for selfish reasons?
  • Get an idea of whether their temperament / interests / stage of development matches the nature of the activity. Knowledge of your child and student is key to understanding how much 'pushing' they can tolerate. 
  • Ask if they have the skills to cope with the demands of the activity. Do they need help upskilling in a specific area so it increases their chances of enjoying it?

When you think it's time to push; apply gentle pressure, like when you're teaching them how to ride a bike. 


Hope that helps you! Sign up to our list so you get updates from...

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How do I get over a rut?

Have you ever tried to stand up in the middle of a seesaw? If you're a little un-coordinated like me, this can be a little challenging. But even if you do have olympic level balance, your body still has to make adjustments in order to find your equilibrium. With a bit of work, soon you're standing up in the middle of it, perfectly balanced...well maybe not perfect, but enough to enjoy the imaginary applause of folks watching your efforts.


How did you find that balance up there? Sure, you can say it's just skill. But it's the 'wobble' that fed information to your body and brain that then induced you to take action and make adjustments until you find your equilibrium. You see, the 'wobble'...the struggle, is a necessary experience. Stay committed...keep showing up...stay consistent. Without the 'wobble' you can't find your equilibrium. 


So if you're stuck in the middle of a wobble, don't lose hope...stay on the'll eventually find your place. If you...

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Become Influential

Sometimes kids have a hard time talking to you about things when they need the most help. Learn to use emotional intelligence and empathic connection to gain co-operation without the friction.