The Huddle Wisdom Blog: For Parents of Anxious & Sensitive Kids

Parenting is tough, especially when familiar ways of handling children's behaviour just don't work anymore. You try to stay calm, give them space, and do all the things you know should help. Yet, your child might still panic, withdraw, get angry, or dig their heels in. This isn't because you're doing something wrong or your child is difficult. Often, our usual methods don't quite line up with what's going on for our children when they're feeling anxious or overwhelmed. In those moments, their nervous system isn't after logic; it's desperate for safety.

A Different Approach for Astute Parents

The biggest change comes from a fresh take on how you parent – a shift in your thinking:

• Be the steady presence when your child's world feels wobbly.
• Ask "What's hard for them right now?" instead of focusing on "Why are they behaving this way?"
• Build connection first (before trying to sort things out) because learning only happens when the alarm bells have stopped ringing in their heads.
...

There’s a version of parenting most people don’t talk about.

It doesn’t involve craft kits, gentle voices, or planned teachable moments. It’s not something you’d record for family videos. It’s the one that happens when you’re too tired to be the parent you thought you would be.

You’re getting through the day, but everything feels heavier than it should. You’re making decisions on autopilot. You’re responding with silence, because finding words feels like a task.

Your child still needs you. And that’s the part that stings a bit. Not because you don’t care, but because you do.

This version of parenting asks a different kind of effort. One that doesn’t rely on energy. One that works even when you’re flat.

Here are a few things that help.

Lower the bar
Not permanently. Just for now. Some days will not match your ideals. Trying to meet yesterday’s standard with today’s energy is a fast way to lose your footing. Choose something simpler. A meal. A kind tone. A door closed gently. Let t...

"I've gone over this countless times. Why the disconnect?"

That feeling of hitting a wall when your anxious child seems impervious to reason – especially when distress peaks – is a shared experience. It’s a frequent topic in my work with families. But the issue isn't a refusal to understand; it's that logic simply isn't the right tool for their brain in that moment.

Let's examine the underlying mechanism.

▍Stress Overrides Rational Thought

When a child is anxious – whether withdrawing or experiencing an emotional surge – their capacity for higher-level thinking (governed by the prefrontal cortex) temporarily diminishes. The emotional center of the brain (amygdala) takes precedence. This isn't a willful act; it's a fundamental neurological shift.

Attempting to explain "it's not a big deal" or "you already know this isn't frightening" at this point is akin to offering complex instructions to someone in immediate danger. It's not what they require.

▍First Priority: Establishing Secu...

There are moments in parenting—especially if you’re raising an anxious, sensitive, or neurodivergent child—when it feels like all your efforts are bouncing off a brick wall. You reach out. You soften your voice. You try all the things. And still, your child stares through you like a barista who's already called your name three times.

They’re unreachable.

It’s like trying to hug a cactus that’s been set on fire.

Naturally, you start to wonder:
Am I doing something wrong?
Have I broken them?
Have they broken me?

You’re not broken. Neither are they. You’re just in the thick of it. And this—this disconnection—is part of the terrain.

What Disconnection Feels Like (and Why It Hurts So Much)

Disconnection in parenting is not just frustrating—it’s deeply disorienting. We’re wired to seek emotional resonance, especially with our children. When that resonance is missing, it can feel like failure. But here’s the truth: children aren’t always able to meet us halfway. Especially when they’re ...

There’s a quiet sort of panic I hear often from parents — especially those raising sensitive, intense, or anxious children.

They’ve tried explaining. Comforting. Distracting. Solving.

And still — the meltdowns, the tension, the fear — they keep coming.

The parent begins to wonder: “Why isn’t this working? Am I doing something wrong?”

Here’s what I often say gently in response:
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re trying to fix something that doesn’t need fixing.

Let’s be clear — anxiety can be distressing. For your child. For you.
But it’s not a broken part. It’s not something to remove.
It’s something to understand.

▍Anxiety isn’t a flaw to correct

Anxious behaviour is often the surface expression of an overloaded nervous system. Your child might not have the words for what’s happening — so it spills out through avoidance, outbursts, shutdowns, or spirals.

When we respond by rushing to calm them down — even with the best intentions — the message that sometimes lands is:
This emot...

Let me start with an uncomfortable truth. Children don’t become adults with sociopathy overnight. It is not something that simply “happens.” It is shaped gradually—often quietly—through repeated emotional disconnection, unmet relational needs, and a lack of consistent adult guidance.

To be clear:

We do not diagnose sociopathy in children.

The clinical term, Antisocial Personality Disorder, is reserved for adults. However, in my work as a youth forensic psychiatrist, I do encounter early behavioural patterns that raise concern—such as cruelty to others, chronic lying, or apparent indifference to consequence. But these signs don’t automatically mean a child is on the path to becoming sociopathic.

And this is an important distinction.

▍Every Child Experiments with Self-Centredness

We all carry some degree of self-interest and emotional short-sightedness. In childhood, that’s not sociopathy—it’s developmentally normal.

Children are still learning what empathy feels like, what it req...

Is Your Kid a Bit Worried? Is it more than Just a Phase? Do you care?

It's not always easy to know what's normal kid-stuff and what's something a little more, like anxiety.

Parents, can be caught in a bind: wanting to fix it, hoping it'll just go away, or simply feeling lost about what to do when we've already got so much to do.

We're all trying to balance work, family, and our own well-being. Throw in hobbies, social lives, and the general chaos of family life, and it's easy for a child's worries to sometimes slip under the radar. Perhaps we allow ourselves to succumb to the allure of complacency. But the problem of course is then that ignoring it won't make it disappear. In fact, it can often make things worse.

 Anxiety manifests in a whole host of ways. Think beyond the obvious nervousness. Are there unexplained aches and pains – recurring tummy aches or headaches? Have you noticed changes in their behaviour – more irritable, withdrawn, or clingy than usual? Are they struggli...

I recently shared a short, light-hearted video on Instagram (do have a look if you're interested!), and it got me thinking about something we all experience as parents: meltdowns.

Those moments when our children are overwhelmed, emotions are running riot, and it feels like we're navigating a force ten gale. It's tough for everyone involved.

As we step into 2025, many of us are reflecting on how to better support the anxious children in our lives. One concept I find particularly helpful is what I call the "Threat Telescope."

Imagine your child is holding a telescope backwards. Just as this makes distant objects appear smaller, anxiety does the opposite – it magnifies potential threats while shrinking the view of resources, support, and coping abilities. Through this threat telescope:

- A class presentation becomes a guaranteed humiliation

- A playdate morphs into a minefield of social rejection

- A maths test transforms into a measure of their entire worth

- A new situation appears impossibly overwhelming

But here's what's crucial to understand: Each child's threat telescope is uniquely calibrated. Some children might find social situations particularly magnified, while others might zoom in on academic challenges or changes in routine. This is why a one-size-fits-all approach to anxiety support often falls short.

Su...