How to better understand people
WARNING: Contrarian readers only
Can shared values and ideas harm mature organisations?
One might think it shouldn't it can.
Sometimes the wisdom of crowds is in fact stupid.
The wise crowd is an organism where the constituent parts work and think independently.
In the absence of this...you lose diversity of thought and information.
The chance of staying innovative decreases.
People start to make decisions based on the actions of others in the organisation rather than their own.
So, in times of crisis, large complex systems that has all its parts linked in rigid fashion will fail to adapt.
You'll often observe chain reactions resulting in unfavorable outcomes.
Independent thinkers leave the organisation...which increases homogeneity and with that you have decreasing adaptability
You know how the story ends. You have what we call an information cascade that ends in what I call an avalanche.
We cannot know with certitude, the outcome of decisions we make.
But we can think ourselves to inaction.
We play with permutations of the same problem and worry about consequences that may or may not come to fruition.
There are few sure things in life. We may feel better if we think in probabilities.
Your situation could stay unchanged if you do nothing but, that may be the right thing to do, if that is what you actively decide.
In the game of roulette; the chance of the house winning more than you over a series of consecutive bets is greater than 50%. This is a static thing. It doesn't change. (if you play and win. stop. if you play and lose. stop...because the house always wins...in the long run).
Here's the thing...
Life is not a casino. Probabilities of winning and losing are not fixed.
There are mental models and behavioural habits you can develop which skew the probability of success in your favour, if you play...
Misbehaviour/challenging behaviour is smoke. Follow it down to where it originated. There you will find where the trouble is.
We spend too much time tending to the smoke. Think of misbehaviour as a signal (like smoke) that there’s a problem somewhere to be solved.
And by problem I mean a mis-fit between demands/expectations placed on a child, and the child’s ability to deal with those.
We have to address both things i.e. (1) the demand may need to be adjusted and (2) what skills does the child need to be able to deal with the demand
Remember if kids could do well, they will do well
Children, like everyone else do not deliberately cause trouble for themselves though it sometimes appears that way. It’s part of our role to help our children deal adaptively to problems they face.
This article from 'The Hill', cites a survey indicating the importance of teachers, supporting youth opening up to them about their mental health, more than they would to other adults.
Teachers as well as parents don't always feel confident or equipped...but they have everything they need.
It starts with empathy, compassion and trust. Connection is the universal salve.
'Stop feeling stuck when you are faced with big emotions'
Take the keys...FREE !
1: Download Empathic Connection tool kit
2: Integrate the key ideas into daily practice
3: Connect. Feel less anxiety/stress
Please also, don't forget you don't have to do it alone.
#empathy #teachers #parenting
...because that'll help them WIN in life.
Yes...and it'll help you WIN in life too.
There's a small catch...you might have to put in just a tiny bit of effort...not too much though...
Come check out this little course I've got...don't commit just yet though...check out the free stuff I have before you decide to buy the really good stuff...the free stuff is still pretty good though...so imagine what the paid stuff is going to be like! ....you want your kids to win right?
I talk alot about empathy being the way that we ‘get in’ and connect with our kids but it is not the same as bending to their will at every turn.
We as adults need to show them that there are boundaries that need to be respected in life; be it the law in your jurisdiction, someone’s private space or simply learning that they are allowed to delineate their own boundaries.
We can feel bad of course when our kids push back against us when we set limits with them. We may carry our own baggage that makes it hard for us to enforce rules but this is not in their best interests or yours. You’ve heard it said that you can build a rod for your own back if you take the path of least resistance.
Perhaps you grew up in a household that was strict, rigid, inflexible or you had a laissez faire upbringing. Whatever the case, our upbringing has an impact on where we draw the line when it comes to rules and boundaries. It’s...
We all know a bit of exercise helps our mood.
I'm not typically a fan of systematic reviews or meta-analyses (to me they just rehash original papers that may or may not be that great in the first place)...in any case...this one seems fairly robust...CLICK HERE
2.5hours/week of walking can reduce depression risk a bit.
But a bit is sometimes what we need to make a start on our recovery journeys.
Several of my patients struggle to get out of bed.
Using a behavioural activation approach.
I tell them to just focus on getting one foot out of bed...then the other foot...then sit up...etc...you get the picture.
2.5 hours a week = 0.35hr a day = ~21 minutes walking a day = maybe 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the afternoon
Walking around the neighbourhood to get your 20 minutes seems like a big enough hurdle but at least we know that there's a point for doing it!
Poos and wees.
It's funny right? I think it is.
Or maybe it's not.
Whatever the case, poos and wees, are poos and wees.
A session with one of my patients today took an interesting turn.
They, like many of my patients suffer from mood and anxiety problems.
They feel as though life takes them for a ride.
The slings and arrows of life and such...they feel like they have no control over the things that happen to them in life.
Our perceptions of our reality can truly affect how we feel and think about our lives; but it doesn't change reality.
The only thing we have control over is how we think.
We must find a way to 'slow' down what happens between what we sense/perceive and the resultant feeling that happens next - which might be joy, sadness or anger.
Watch these videos here if you want to learn how to regain control over your mind and your emotions.
I’ve had a few patients who haven’t been getting better fast and it doesn’t feel good. I’ve felt like a failure and I thought it useful to share my reflections.
We/I tend to have lopsided priorities to the exclusion of other things in life, such that my dogged pursuit of reaching perfection puts me at risk of burning out or feeling Like i’ve fallen short as a human being because I know that i can lean way too hard on achieving that elusive goal of perfection.
I’m quite aware now that as i say this, many people feel the same.
We all struggle intensely with things we don’t like about ourselves and we act in ways that maintain those very concerns - for example the constant checking that other people respect us intensifies unhappiness because we hyperfocus on things that might prove people don’t respect or like us. Or we avoid situations that make us uncomfortable so we don’t have to be...
I really believe that.
We live in an age of spin as Dave Chappelle says.
And we are trained to be suspicious and wary of those of us who appear to be unlike us.
We may even be prone to look down on people who seem naive and overly-courteous or sympathetic to others for the sake of it.
But it is this very thing that makes us extraordinary. To dare to believe in the good in others is to believe in the good in us.
Imagine how good it would be if we thought of each other as good?
Dare to think different. To feel different. Wouldn't that be something.
Sometimes kids have a hard time talking to you about things when they need the most help. Learn to use emotional intelligence and empathic connection to gain co-operation without the friction.