How to better understand people
In order to navigate emotional storms well, it's helpful to have a map to help get you through.
Having a map does not mean you avoid tricky terrain or rough roads but it can alert you of potentially difficult areas so you can prepare.
There are hundreds if not thousands of programmes available out there in the world which proclaims to help you solve emotional storms. The thing is you can't get rid of them; they are a natural part of our world and nature. Emotional storms are to be expected so you must be prepared. They are not easy to deal with, but deal with them you must.
If you can deal with them in such a way that you and your loved ones end up being more connected...then you are ahead of the game. Emotional storms tests your resolve. It tests your relationships. And children need to be certain that they can trust you as the adult to handle their emotional storms.
Trust grows and so to your ability to influence the factors that might usually increase the...
I have been thinking about the idea of 'regression to the mean' a bit recently. It's a statistical term to describe the statistical tendency for 'outliers' or extremes to move toward an average value.
We see this play out in the prices of stocks/equities. Just don't pretend that you can play the game better than the market (unless you're Warren Buffet!)
Things go up, things go down but the duration of each up or down phase is not something we can predict very well. Nor can we predict turnarounds very well. But one thing seems true...we'll see ups and downs over time.
When it comes to depression - I think we can fall into the trap of thinking things are going to be up forever when things are going up...and when things regress to the mean (by going down) we think everything is all downhill...
...but things do change...eventually...we just don't know when.
So while we cannot predict things in the future, we can prepare.
If you know that things...
Zombies and Bayes Theorem. What?!
Okay, bear with me. Sometimes, our intuition leads us into perilous situations.
Our brains try to be helpful...but because of mental shortcuts...it doesn't always work out so well for us... So...we have to pause...think and rationalise.
Although we cannot predict the outcomes of a bad event.
We can increase the probability of a favourable outcome if we learn how to obtain good reliable data and information so we stand a better chance of avoiding bad outcomes...
it's not guaranteed to help us do that (such is life) but we can improve our odds of survival.
Here's the link to some other good mental models to help you survive!
WARNING: Contrarian readers only
Can shared values and ideas harm mature organisations?
One might think it shouldn't it can.
Sometimes the wisdom of crowds is in fact stupid.
The wise crowd is an organism where the constituent parts work and think independently.
In the absence of this...you lose diversity of thought and information.
The chance of staying innovative decreases.
People start to make decisions based on the actions of others in the organisation rather than their own.
So, in times of crisis, large complex systems that has all its parts linked in rigid fashion will fail to adapt.
You'll often observe chain reactions resulting in unfavorable outcomes.
Independent thinkers leave the organisation...which increases homogeneity and with that you have decreasing adaptability
You know how the story ends. You have what we call an information cascade that ends in what I call an avalanche.
We cannot know with certitude, the outcome of decisions we make.
But we can think ourselves to inaction.
We play with permutations of the same problem and worry about consequences that may or may not come to fruition.
There are few sure things in life. We may feel better if we think in probabilities.
Your situation could stay unchanged if you do nothing but, that may be the right thing to do, if that is what you actively decide.
In the game of roulette; the chance of the house winning more than you over a series of consecutive bets is greater than 50%. This is a static thing. It doesn't change. (if you play and win. stop. if you play and lose. stop...because the house always wins...in the long run).
Here's the thing...
Life is not a casino. Probabilities of winning and losing are not fixed.
There are mental models and behavioural habits you can develop which skew the probability of success in your favour, if you play...
Misbehaviour/challenging behaviour is smoke. Follow it down to where it originated. There you will find where the trouble is.
We spend too much time tending to the smoke. Think of misbehaviour as a signal (like smoke) that there’s a problem somewhere to be solved.
And by problem I mean a mis-fit between demands/expectations placed on a child, and the child’s ability to deal with those.
We have to address both things i.e. (1) the demand may need to be adjusted and (2) what skills does the child need to be able to deal with the demand
Remember if kids could do well, they will do well
Children, like everyone else do not deliberately cause trouble for themselves though it sometimes appears that way. It’s part of our role to help our children deal adaptively to problems they face.
This article from 'The Hill', cites a survey indicating the importance of teachers, supporting youth opening up to them about their mental health, more than they would to other adults.
Teachers as well as parents don't always feel confident or equipped...but they have everything they need.
It starts with empathy, compassion and trust. Connection is the universal salve.
'Stop feeling stuck when you are faced with big emotions'
Take the keys...FREE !
1: Download Empathic Connection tool kit
2: Integrate the key ideas into daily practice
3: Connect. Feel less anxiety/stress
Please also, don't forget you don't have to do it alone.
#empathy #teachers #parenting
...because that'll help them WIN in life.
Yes...and it'll help you WIN in life too.
There's a small catch...you might have to put in just a tiny bit of effort...not too much though...
Come check out this little course I've got...don't commit just yet though...check out the free stuff I have before you decide to buy the really good stuff...the free stuff is still pretty good though...so imagine what the paid stuff is going to be like! ....you want your kids to win right?
I talk alot about empathy being the way that we ‘get in’ and connect with our kids but it is not the same as bending to their will at every turn.
We as adults need to show them that there are boundaries that need to be respected in life; be it the law in your jurisdiction, someone’s private space or simply learning that they are allowed to delineate their own boundaries.
We can feel bad of course when our kids push back against us when we set limits with them. We may carry our own baggage that makes it hard for us to enforce rules but this is not in their best interests or yours. You’ve heard it said that you can build a rod for your own back if you take the path of least resistance.
Perhaps you grew up in a household that was strict, rigid, inflexible or you had a laissez faire upbringing. Whatever the case, our upbringing has an impact on where we draw the line when it comes to rules and boundaries. It’s...
We all know a bit of exercise helps our mood.
I'm not typically a fan of systematic reviews or meta-analyses (to me they just rehash original papers that may or may not be that great in the first place)...in any case...this one seems fairly robust...CLICK HERE
2.5hours/week of walking can reduce depression risk a bit.
But a bit is sometimes what we need to make a start on our recovery journeys.
Several of my patients struggle to get out of bed.
Using a behavioural activation approach.
I tell them to just focus on getting one foot out of bed...then the other foot...then sit up...etc...you get the picture.
2.5 hours a week = 0.35hr a day = ~21 minutes walking a day = maybe 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the afternoon
Walking around the neighbourhood to get your 20 minutes seems like a big enough hurdle but at least we know that there's a point for doing it!
Sometimes kids have a hard time talking to you about things when they need the most help. Learn to use emotional intelligence and empathic connection to gain co-operation without the friction.