The Huddle Wisdom Blog

I just wanted to let you know that you can get a FREE mini-training course about how you can improve your ability to connect with kids while also learning how to handle some tricky but common scenarios like the silent treatment, how do you deal with a kid who says "I Don't Know" all the time, or who doesn't want to talk to you. 

Come and Check the course out now. I think it'll save you heaps of time, energy and headaches!

Running and trying to reach your goals can be like grasping at clouds, and you end up feeling exhausted, frustrate and inept. Goal posts can move away from us, and that's not always under our control as circumstances change, like shifting sand underneath us. 

Having said that, it's not wrong to set goals. Just that it's more useful to set them in the context of what your intention is.

Goals are fleeting and subject to factors that aren't always under our control. Intention on the other hand IS under our control and we can choose how we direct our energy in the interest of our aims, which is driven by our intention. 

Intentions are aspirations but goals provide us with tangible benchmarks to help advance us forward in the interest of our aspirations. 

Intention also opens up a world of options that wouldn't be available if you single mindedly focused on just a concrete goal. It also reduces the risk of burn out and gives us flexibility to make any move we...

I wanted to share one of my favourite tips for helping kids talk about emotions (using an empathic approach). And you actually don't have to do a heap of talking yourself! Jump in and check it out now!  

If you want to learn more about how to use empathic connection in your communications and improve your relationships download the FREE starter kit here. It also includes a few tips for managing the silent treatment and the dreaded "i don't knows"!

If you're struggling to find a way to think systematically about how to go about disciplining and training kids; sign up to the waitlist for our course: The Practice of Empathic Discipline (Huddle Wisdom)  I want you to have the free mini-course for navigating emotional storms too. We'll send that to you when you sign up to the waitlist for the Empathic Discipline. But if you prefer, you can also just click here Toolkit to get the toolkit!

The key to being influential is connection. You need to be able to connect with someone before they will trust you. If they don't trust you, you cannot be influential. Clearly; this is a critical hurdle for any business person, teacher, parent, doctor, human being. But the connection between people is more porous than you might think. 

Humans are supposed to connect but we've somehow unlearned or suppressed this; perhaps because in order to connect to another person it means we need to let our guard down. We have to open up so to speak. The implications are great...because we become vulnerable. But if our intention is to be more authentic and genuine in the world, then we have to somehow find a way to get out of our own way and start building bridges with people. Sometimes, it means getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Now; I am not saying any of this is easy, and I acknowledge the complexity of our lives and relationships but there's no way around this - in...

Kids are a gift. No doubt in my mind.

But. When they're struggling with stuff they can't figure out themselves. They express emotions that we adults feel inconvenienced by at times. 

Think about the person you trust most in your life. The person you feel most drawn to. Now, would you feel comfortable expressing your pain and frustration when you're struggling? Would you feel vulnerable with them? Why not? Do they make you feel safe? Whatever it is you've got, they can handle it - is that what you picture?

Let's be that person for our kids. They need us to help them deal with stuff. 

If kids could do well, they would do well. Let's give them a chance. Like our trusted person would give us a chance, unconditionally. 

I'd like to share 3 of my favourite concepts that helps me to help my kids figure out tricky problems and how to go about solving them.

I hope it blesses you and helps you and your kids do well together. 

In most cases, fussy eating is a part of growing up. It's an expression of independent thinking and a need for mastery and control over one's environment, body and choices. But, I don't hear parents celebrating! Fussy eating can be exasperating.

But let's take a step back and think a little bit about what we would be doing if we were presented with limited food options that didn't appeal to us. Have you ever travelled some place where the food wasn't really stuff you'd eat? How did the locals treat you? Did they force feed you? If they did, I'm sure you wouldn't visit right? (1 star review!!!) We might be curious about the strange new foods there but we'd prefer to try them at our own speed. 

Here are some tips to help you adjust your 'speed' and help your kids try the 'local' cuisine in your household. 

The first thing is to keep your cool around meal times to minimise stress for your child (I know you will be stressed enough for the both of you); otherwise, Kids will...

Every emotional storm has a lifecycle. This pictogram is one way to visualise the antecedents (things that feeds the storm) and the factors that siphons energy away from the storm.

I suggest using it as a way to develop your understanding of how the storms in your life live and breathe.

The short version of this post, is that we cannot extinguish an emotional fire. Unless it's ready to be extinguished. In most cases, we have to just let it pass. Now that's highly inconvenient. But like in nature, a storm is just a storm. Nothing more, nothing less. It's only when that storm happens to pass over some hapless township and causes havoc that it becomes a disaster. The nature of the storm hasn't changed though. This is not dissimilar to what we observe when children (or adults for that matter) experience an emotional storm...once it starts, it is very difficult to stop. 

So what can we do about it? Well we can work to understand it's nature for instance. What feeds the storm? What saps it of energy? What gives it momentum. If we can learn more about it's lifecycle, we can start to plan and put together a 'disaster kit' so to speak. We can do better though. Prevention is always better than cure, but sometimes we simply have to batten down the hatches despite our...

I talked about this in episode 001 of the Huddle Wisdom podcast and expand on some key ideas here.  

• Perfection is the enemy of the good. There is no such thing as perfection thus we will always fall short. It's like grasping at clouds. Rather, we are better off focusing on our personal growth - that is being further along the road than where we were yesterday is a solid achievement. And when we have done well, we need to learn how to give ourselves a pat on the back. 'The Tall Poppy Syndrome' is ever real in our culture, and it is toxic. 

• Comparing ourselves to someone else's progress is fallacious. Yes, seeing how well our counterparts are doing may fill us with envy and motivate us to do better (whatever that means!), and it may even inspire us, invigorate us but it can also make use feel inadequate, understandably. It's fine to look, but don't touch it! But let's not make the mistake of using another person's achievements / goals or anything else...

1. Backchatting is neither good nor bad; it is simply something that indicates the difficulties a child has with the demands of the environment. Therefore we ought to feel personally attacked, but it's difficult for us adults not to be offended by the insolence of the know-it-all child.

2. Be the adult. Breathe. We must try to remain calm and rational; lest we become part of the 'paddy' fest. Nothing ever gets solved by getting angrier and angrier.

3. Set the culture in your house. Set the rules of engagement. Praise your children when you catch them following the rules. This is more likely to reinforce the behaviour you want to see. It's better to praise behaviour you want to see than admonish behaviour you don't want to see.

Listen to Episode 008 on the Huddle Wisdom Podcast for a little more...Dealing with Backchatting.

If you want to get a better handle of empathic connectedness that helps you deal with various tricky situations like backchatting...