The Huddle Wisdom Blog: For Parents of Anxious & Sensitive Kids
Expert guidance and real-world reflections from a child psychiatrist who’s also a parent.
 Helping Children Navigate Emotional Storms
Emotions can be like a storm; once they start, they can be challenging to stop. Just as with a natural storm, the best solution is to prepare and wait for it to pass. However, when children experience an emotional storm, we must do more than wait. Understanding the antecedents of the storm is crucial for reducing its frequency and intensity.
Children are not miniature adults and cannot be expected to act, behave, or think like grown-ups. Although adults and children experience similar emotions, adults may have more experience in navigating their emotional lives. Therefore, we must teach children how to handle their emotions effectively.
Forensic Analysis and Detective Work
To help children manage their emotions, we must teach them forensic analysis and detective work. We need to survey the damage done and elicit the child's perspective without interfering or putting words in their mouth. Once we've gathered clues, we can present hypotheses to the child, work together to ...
Dealing with imposter syndrome
I talked about this in episode 001 of the Huddle Wisdom podcast and expand on some key ideas here. Â
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- Perfection is the enemy of the good. There is no such thing as perfection thus we will always fall short. It's like grasping at clouds. Rather, we are better off focusing on our personal growth - that is being further along the road than where we were yesterday is a solid achievement. And when we have done well, we need to learn how to give ourselves a pat on the back. 'The Tall Poppy Syndrome' is ever real in our culture, and it is toxic.Â
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- Comparing ourselves to someone else's progress is fallacious. Yes, seeing how well our counterparts are doing may fill us with envy and motivate us to do better (whatever that means!), and it may even inspire us, invigorate us but it can also make use feel inadequate, understandably. It's fine to look, but don't touch it! But let's not make the mistake of using another person's achievements / goals or anything else that belongs to said ...
Tips for Dealing with Backchatting Children
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Here are some tips to help you deal with backchatting:
- Be the adult. Take a deep breath and avoid getting caught up in the argument. Nothing gets solved by escalating the situation.
- Set the tone in your household by establishing rules of engagement. Praise your children when they follow these rules, as this will reinforce the behaviour you want to see. It's better to acknowledge good behaviour than to scold bad behaviour.
Managing Emotions in the Heat of the Moment: Using the H.A.L.T Acronym
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As grown-ups, it's often challenging to manage the intense emotions our children stir within us. It's tempting to react impulsively, but it's crucial to keep our calm and avoid regrettable behavior.
The H.A.L.T acronym is a simple yet effective tool to regulate our emotions.
H is for Hunger – Most of us function poorly when we're famished, and our kids are no different. Providing them with nutritious snacks and meals throughout the day can help keep them satiated and focused.
A is for Angry – It's essential to acknowledge and validate our children's emotions, but it's equally crucial to choose our moments wisely. Waiting for the flames to subside before disciplining or teaching is more effective than reacting impulsively.
L is for Lonely or Lost – Sometimes, our children feel disconnected, and it's our job to bridge that gap. Reconnecting with them through play, conversation, and shared meals can help them feel more secure and settled.
T is for Tired – W...
Embracing Life's Twists and Turns: A Fresh Perspective
Life doesn't follow a straight path, and I'm sure many of you can relate. 🤣 When we evaluate our progress, it's beneficial to take a wider view of things. If we don't, we may see things linearly, and any setback or regression may be viewed as a failure or step backward. This often leaves us feeling discouraged. However, growth is never a straight line; it's more like a wiggly trendline. Unfortunately, we tend to focus on the dips more than the peaks because our brains are wired to perceive threats and pay attention to them. A regression, for example, may be seen as a threat to our ego, which is why we pay closer attention to it.
The next time you feel disheartened about your progress, take a moment to look back and reflect on how far you have come. Remember, life is full of twists and turns, and there will always be ups and downs. To avoid selective bias in our thinking, try zooming out and taking a bird's eye view of your progress. It can provide a refreshing perspective...
Balancing Our Impulses: The Lizard Brain vs. The Wizard Brain
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At times, we let our impulses take over in the heat of the moment, when our lizard brains become too dominant. It's not entirely our fault, as our limbic systems are designed to engage when we perceive a threat or danger in our surroundings.
Yet, there are moments when we require the guidance of a wizard to keep our lizard brain in check. We need someone to evaluate the situation with greater finesse so we don't make hasty decisions that we may later regret.
Undoubtedly, our lizard brain is vital in steering us away from danger or helping us to address it if it arises. However, we may overly rely on our lizard brain when making decisions about the future and overestimate potential threats. That's when our wizard brain is more advantageous.
The truth is, we need both the lizard and wizard to function optimally. Yet, it's advisable that the wizard ride the lizard, rather than the other way around.
Tune in to Episode 7 of the Huddle Wisdom Podcast where I talk about thi...
Apologising does not mean defeat
One of the questions that has been on my mind is, do we apologize enough? Personally, I don't think I say sorry as much as I should. Taking responsibility for our actions, whether good or bad, can be difficult. It means acknowledging our mistakes and the harm they may have caused, whether intentional or not. But apologizing is a crucial step towards healing and growth. It's not about justifying our actions, but rather about acknowledging them.
Forgiveness is also an important part of this process. It's easy to hold onto past hurts and resentments, but in the end, it only weighs us down. Letting go of things we can't control can be liberating. It's a chance to move forward with a lighter heart and a newfound sense of purpose.
With our children, we don't lose our credibilit...
How do I stop feeling like a victim in my parenting?
Not sure about you, but I am fairly confident that we all face challenges and difficulties in raising our children. Perhaps some of you might feel like you suffer more than the rest of us!
It is perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or helpless. Modern life is full of pressures, demands and expectations bearing down on us in every direction. There's no let up!
Then, on top of that we can at times feel life is unfair, that our kids are ungrateful, or that we have no control over our circumstances. We may start to play the victim and blame others or the world for our problems and feel sorry for ourselves.Â
It's normal to indulge ourselves at times. Playing the victim may seem like a way to cope with stress and pain, but it does us more harm than good. It stops us from taking responsibility for our actions and choices, and from making positive changes in our lives. It affects the quality of our relationships with our children, who may learn to adopt the same attitude or
...Finding the Right Balance: Encouraging Kids to Push Themselves
 As parents, we often find it difficult to determine the appropriate amount of pressure to place on our children when we believe it will benefit them. If you're met with resistance, consider the following before deciding how much pressure to apply:
- Check your motivations - While it's great to witness your child experience the satisfaction of accomplishment, are you pushing them for selfish reasons?
- Assess their temperament, interests, and stage of development in relation to the activity. Understanding your child's personality and learning style is crucial to determining how much encouragement they can manage.
- Evaluate their skill set. Do they possess the necessary abilities to handle the challenges of the task at hand? Perhaps they need additional support to develop specific skills that will increase their enjoyment of the activity.
When you're ready to push your child, apply gentle pressure, much like when teaching them how to ride a bike.
We hope this advice is helpful...
